Birthdays hit me hard. They have done so for years. I had one not too long ago and I'm in a funk I can't shake.
Economic and political uncertainty has bollixed my retirement plans. Better now than once I'm out the door, but I'm not happy about it. I had started some non-work involvements, on the idea that while I was a little overstressed now, things would ease up when I had fewer responsibilities.
That day will probably never come. As things stand, I'm very likely going to have to keep working as long as I can work, at a job that is considerably less fun than it once was; I'm just one of a dwindling number of good gray techies in a vast corporation, doing whatever good (or bad; the corporation doesn't care) gray work comes along.
So I need to think about cutting excess, probably starting with writing fiction and being in writer's clubs. The writing is fun, but unless you're Stephen King or one of a very few others, it doesn't pay. The clubs are stressful for me, but are a partial substitute for the companionship my work no longer provides. Thing is, I don't actually need it, and the kind of friends you have to pay money to hang around with are not, in fact, actual friends. They're just fellow customers.
This mood will probably pass, but the feeling of being about to go over Niagara Falls in a woefully underequipped barrel will not. I'm starting to see what Twain and Mencken were getting at.
I feel sorry for you, my wife and I both worked full time jobs, and had loads of animals including horses, dogs cats and chickens to take care of and 5 acres of grass to mow. When I retired, I thought that we would catch up on some of the work (NO SUCH LUCK). And then when she retired, we both thought that we would be in hog heaven as to the amount of time that we would have to get our chores done. (AND I REPEAT, NO SUCH LUCK) It's like storage space, the more space that you have, the more junk that you accumulate. We both always ask "How in the hell did we get so much work done when we were both working???" No answer was forthcoming, other than we never knew what weekends were, other than 2 more days for chores. So I feel sorry for you, I know what you are going to go through. GOOD LUCK KID.
ReplyDeleteFunks are no fun, and paying to hang out with friends sucks, but I'll keep paying my electric bill to hang out with you. The relief of less responsibility might do you some good. Fingers crossed for you and sending virtual hugs...
ReplyDeleteMy mother was destroyed when JFK was assassinated. By 'destroyed', I mean a sort of gut wound that can perhaps be survived but which forever after saps you and changes what you hope and expect for the world. Trump's election and everything since have similarly hit me. It is a sort of anti-apotheosis for America. Indeed, it is the misanthropy of Twain and Mencken, blooming like some dreadful corpseflower. I had always believed in the America of Rockwell's Four Freedoms, that it represented our heart and would prevail. I have lost that virginity.
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, we as a nation have been in situations just as bad, if not worse.
ReplyDeleteTime will tell.