Okay, Fine

There have been some dust-ups in the gun-blogosphere about perennial hot topics like how cozy State and Church otta git, gun-show bans, gay marriage, abortion and other how-to-lose-friends-and-annoy people topics.  A lot of finger-pointing and claims of who's a bigger friend or foe of freedom than who.

     Y'know what?  You all are!  I'm tired of it.  I have a plan to end debate on things that don't have answers everyone can live with by giving every man jack of you your dreamworld:

     Make it ALL illegal or compulsory.  Yeah, that's right.  No middle ground.  No more gun shows.  No more private sales.  No same-sex marriages and the traditional sort of wedlockery will be universally required by age 24 but only after careful study of the parties of involved and by gum, if you are not poppin' out babies soon after (but no more than nine months after!), you better have an excuse backed up by doctors.  --And doctoring will be completely free but strictly rationed; you get five visits a year, including eye exams and dentistry and if you need more, tough.  Also: no divorce.  Cowboy up or stifle yourself.  

     No cover illustrations on magazines and they will all be the same size and use the same three fonts, period.  No sweets.  No salty stuff.  No alcohol.  No caffeine.  No tofu or red meat. No pork.  No hats.  Everyone gets a buzzcut haircut every other month, without exception.  Voting will be compulsory but there won't be any choices on the ballot.  TV and radio will air  nothing but weather reports, traffic reports and black and white still shots of bland, inoffensive subjects.  The Internet will be strictly censored, text-only, 2400 Baud connections and the computers will be free, plain, and have no mass storage capability.

     Everything will be painted with high-quality grey paint.  You'll get three outfits a year, all grey, all plain.  One pair of canvas shoes, one pair of galoshes and if required for your job, you will be issued work boots.  No singing.  No whistling.  No motorcycles, bicycles or stinky buses. The national speed limit will be 40 miles an hour and all the cars will be horsepower limited -- and painted, yes, grey.  If you go over the speed limit or don't wear your seat belt, you get run off the road and summarily executed by the police, who will be required to wear nice blue uniforms, smile and call you "Sir" or "Ma'am."  Gum-chewing, gayness, open atheism and/or praying in public?  Same penalty.  In fact, the same penalty for any offense against the peace: quick, simple and without all that faffing around with courts and attornies.  Everything that ever bothered your buddies, neighbors, best enemy and you will be illegal, by gosh, and you can darned well put up with it 'cos it is the very best you're a-gonna get, ever.

     Okay?  That's the world you're building, one damn brick of "Daddy, make those bad people stop!" at a time.  You can either unclench and let all the idiots, heathens, gunnies, preverts and people just like you alone as long as they stay off your lawn and leave you alone, or you can try to police them -- and in the process, build a police state for everyone.  You decide; I'm sick and tired of the noise and I've got plenty of books and a place to hide them. I can cope with the rest of it as long as I can read.