Mail Enhancement

...So, the TV's yammering to itself in the next room and one of those commercials comes on. You know, the ones for Mail Enhancement:

"Is your neighbor getting a lot more cards and letters than you? Day after day, is their box bulging while yours is...unfulfilled? Take Placebon! Soon, you'll enjoy larger and wider correspondence. More sensitive and exciting, too, with longer-lasting, multi-page letters...."

Or that's what it sounded like. And all this time I have been under the impression that "mail enhancement" was postcards with hyperlinks. What wonders will Science bring us next? TV is so much better with the pictures off, especially late at night.