Yesterday, I didn't mention the other part of the rumor about certain possible allegations made by the presumed Editor of a supposed local newspaper to a State Legislator: said Editor has accused the NRA of putting a flaming bag of dog poo on his porch.
Yes, you read it here second. Now, taking flaming canine crap to most Editor's homes or offices seems like carrying coal to Newcastle to me and I just cannot imagine the well-suited denizens of NRA HQ creeping through the shrubbery, faces blackened with burnt cork, the foul-smelling poke in one hand and a friction-taped Zippo in the other; perhaps I lack imagination.
But forget all that. There's a more important principle here. It's just my opinion but I'm pretty sure I am correct:
If you are the Editor of a major bigtime newspaper and you are doing your job properly, you ought to be finding a bag of flaming dog excrement or something similar on your doorstep at least once a week.
Gads. Mencken lived in vain.
I see no reason to look beyond neighborhood kids for this sort of prank. If his particular set of underbed monsters are public knowledge then kids would use that info as well.
ReplyDeleteWho actually does that anymore, though? That's old school, like soaping windows or TPing trees...and if it happened at Halloween, maybe it was because he gave out paltry treats. Being a liberal, he probably handed out copies of the comics page and "wholesome" granola treats.
ReplyDeleteBut to get back to old school...not that there's anything wrong with it. Why, perhaps I should tell the story about my father and the neighbor's privy...
wv: ponsies. Ah, to be in Washington in the spring, when the pon[z]ies bloom...
So is this supposed to be IN ADDITION to the one that was mailed to him before Christmas?
ReplyDeleteNathan makes me feel old. I could tell the story of ME and the neighbors doniker. It had this door that opened out, and it wanted to fall forward anyway, you see!
ReplyDeleteBut if Ye Eds of the bigtime wannabe clone newspapers really were doing the job they are paid to do, it would not be a flaming bag of dog poop.
A sprayer full of methyl mercaptan mixed with sudsy ammonia gets the point across quite clearly. The Ye Ed's would have clean sinuses, though.
Stranger
Seeing as the legacy media is keen to drop rolled-up turds on our doorsteps every morning, I don't think he is in much position to complain.
ReplyDeleteJim
Said editor should thank lucky stars that they would be relevant enough to receive dog crap, if it were more than the neighborhood kids. Pyrrhic victory is that when he gets no more crap at his door, he's out of a job.
ReplyDelete