It is not to be believed. Today, I have a dental exam at the earliest possible time, followed by an eye exam with barely time to get from one to the other. I hadn't realized they were on the same day until last week.
Naturally, on Friday my employer announced an all-hands-on-deck staff meeting starting about a half-hour before my usual shift.
It's not an art, it's a natural gift.
In the meantime, h'mm, how about some really, really bad travel advice? Probably SFW outside the UK, but you may attract attention by giggling loudly.
ROBERTA
ReplyDeleteI ENJOYED THE ADVICE TO AMERICAN TRAVELERS IT REMINDED ME OF A BRITISH PUBLICATION I OBTAINED SOME YEARS AGO
"ADMIRALTY NOTICE TO MARINERS" WAS CHOCK FULL OF USEFUL ADVICE THE BIT
ABOUT SEA MINES WAS PARTICULARLY HELPFUL
"THE ADMIRALTY AS OF 1 MARCH HAS RESCINDED ITS BOUNTY OF FIVE POUNDS STERLING FOR THE RECOVERY OF SEA MINES HENCEFORTH SEAFARERS ARE ENCOURAGED TO REPORT THE PRESENCE OF MINES OF MINES BY
WIRELESS TELEGRAPHY OR WIRELESS TELEPHONY TO THE ADMIRALTY OR HM COAST GUARD STATIONS TAKING NOTE OF THE TIME POSITION AND DESCRIPTION OF SAID MINE
EVERY EFFORT SHOULD BE MADE TO DISPOSE OF THE MINE BY SMALLARMS
FIRE BUT CAUTION SHOULD EXERCISED NOT TO APPROACH WITHIN 500 YARDS OF THE MINE SO AS TO AVOID DAMAGE TO PERSONEL OR VESSEL FROM POSSIBLE RESIDUAL EFFECTS OF BLAST
FISHERMAN ARE WARNED NOT TO ENTER HARBOUR WITH MINES FOULED IN THEIR TRAWLES EVERY EFFORT SHOULD BE MADE TO CUT AWAY NETS AND PROCEED AS BEFORE
MINES DISCOVERED AFTER THE CATCH HAS BEEN BROUGHT ON DECK THE MASTER OF THE FISHING VESSEL
SHOULD HOIST INTERNATIONAL CODE FLAG "BRAVO"FROM THE MOST PROMINENT HALLIARD AND CONTACT THE ADMIRALTY BY WIRELESS
DO NOT ENTER HARBOUR STOP YOUR VESSEL AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS"
WHAT CAN I SAY ? GOD SAVE THE QUEEN !
I, for one, LOLed. But I have one of those cool workplaces.
ReplyDeleteGood one, you're about as good a scheduler as I am... :-)
ReplyDeleteI have to say that that 'advice' is a fairly accurate aide for Americans visiting us here in Ye Olde Englande - honest!
ReplyDelete(I'll never be able to visit Oxford again without hurting myself laughing, as a number of friends did yesterday, one even requiring 'off-licence' treatment after falling off his .... spanner)
Thanks for making my day.
The main difference between American English and the mother tongue is that in the latter, any unidentified plural noun may be taken as referring to testicles, while in the latter it probably means breasts.
ReplyDeleteIn both languages, any unfamiliar verb is most likely a slang term for self-gratification.
"... while in the former it probably means breasts."
ReplyDeleteDerp.
ROFL
ReplyDelete