The never-ending din of plain wretched news -- war in Europe, dysfunctional U. S. politics, ongoing bad weather (can't call it climate without starting an argument) and so on left me with nothing to say Monday, especially given that the day started with ongoing worry over our sick neighbor, who I'd been unable to reach at all Sunday.
At least she resurfaced late Monday morning, possibly after another minor misadventure: it's difficult to be physically frail, and a lot more so if you're unwilling to admit it. The moral dilemma involved for others is acute: if someone can (barely) get along by themselves and they refuse help, at what point is a well-meaning bystander obliged to step in? Where are the lines between pushy meddling, kindly helping, letting people have as much independence as they can hang onto and craven indifference? I don't know; they're not easily drawn except at the extremes.
Much the same could be said of national and global affairs, though at least there I can take a certain cold comfort in my own relative powerlessness: I'm voting with votes and economic choices for the future I want -- but the future we'll get will the be result of everyone's choices. That's a lot easier to face than someone in deep trouble right down the block, but it's got the potential to be every bit as grim.
You have a real dilemma, Roberta. Were you heartless, you wouldn't be worried. Rightly or wrongly, unless a person is obviously bat-s crazy, I personally accept the "frail" person's wishes. If she wants independence, I am prone to granting her wish. I say that because I am probably heading down that road and hate to think what discomfort/anguish I may cause others.
ReplyDeleteSo far, I'm willing/capable of handling affairs and the daily tasks of living for Hunky Husband (HH) and me. As one who has from age 3 (or whenever my memory starts) fought to be responsible for herself, I try to simplify things for my descendants in caring for HH and the legal responsibilities of my estate, but I bristle at the idea that someone else thinks they should make decisions for me/us. HH and his dementia complicate things a bit for me, but I am perfectly willing to accept my own consequences for my decisions and independence. The fly in my ointment is that HH's genes foretell his outliving me by at least 10 years so my actions are heavily influenced by that "probable" eventuality. (I'm already 5 years past my expected expiration date at which time HH would have "probably" had another 15-20 years.)
Good luck in wrestling with your better angels. You are a dear!
I convinced my frail neighbor to give me a copy of his house key for the back door,
ReplyDeleteso I could "check on the dog" if I "thought he was away".
If the neighbor was incommunicado for ...more than seems usual,
I'd knock loud, let myself in, and call out "Poochie! Poochie! Hey Bob! is [poochie] OK?"
He still hasn't caught on.