"Oooo," says the TV weatherbeing, as my alarm-clock television blares on at oh-dark-hundred, "there's some very baaaaad Winter weather on the way! We'll tell you what do do about it after the commercial."
Laying in bed, half-awake, blinking sandy-eyed at the bright colors on the tooobe, I snarl back, "Here's what to do about it: start staking weatherpeople out over anthills until they can fix the weather!"
Wrong on two counts, for which I blame the early hour; the ants are inactive when it gets this cold (in the effing teens!) and we'd want to be staking out real meteorologists. But so very tempting withal!
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Durn it, Al Gore promised it would be warmer. I had my swimsuit an' everything.
This time of the year, the standard anthill torture can be replaced with the frozen-pipe-licking method. Waterboarding is so lame nowadays.
ReplyDeleteAlgore better get off his butt and get me some warmer winters soon. I had to drive home from Carmel (~50 miles) in this crap tonight. I think I got to 50mph twice. There's nothing as maddening as iced-up wipers swishing back and forth.
ReplyDeleteI fear torture wil be of little use those weather people are a hardy lot. Evidenced by there propencity to expose themseves to huricane wind contaminated flood waters sub zero tempuratures for the "shure is bad out here" reports. No I don't think they would fold easily.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: twoogr, what my coworker said after licking our flag pole, I didn't think he would do it. OOPS