Wednesday, February 28, 2018

A Glorious Sunset

     The evening of 27 February.  I like to think this is for my Mom.
     She would have loved it.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

21 May 1931 - 27 Feb 2018

     My mother passed away this morning.  It was a beautiful, sunny morning and there are trees and grass and shrubbery outside the window of her room.  The sky is lovely and blue, with just a hint of high, wispy clouds.

     I wasn't there.  I had to work and I'm still at work.  There are men nine hundred feet up a tall tower counting on me to run the elevator and make sure the transmitters are turned down low enough to keep them safe.  There isn't anyone else to do this job.   But I know the window blinds were set to allow light in when I saw her last night, and I'm sure the sunlight lit her way onward to that land from which none of us return.

     It's impossible to thank your mother for the daunting task she took on in getting you to adulthood as intact as possible; or in keeping you going once you were on your own.  It's too big for any conventional thanks.  All you can do is go on and try to be as good as your Mom thought you were.

Monday, February 26, 2018

Even Dying Is Hard Work

     It certainly looks that way.  Maybe that's a crass observation, but it feels wretched to have to watch someone beyond all help, well beyond any real help you can give -- simply worn out by time -- with good painkillers (but not so much of them as to induce unconsciousness), with supplied oxygen, with nurses and lovely surroundings, with familiar pictures on the wall, familiar belongings on dresser and nightstand, live flowers on the windowsill and she's having to -- only able to -- just lie there, eyes shut, mostly asleep, sometimes dreaming, sometimes awake enough for a word or two.  For all the peace, prettiness and soft music in the hallways, it still looks like desperately hard work.

     To watch you own mother go through this is pain almost beyond enduring.

     Mom had a bad few minutes while I was visiting tonight.  We were waiting for the nurse with her medicine and Mom moved and cried out, quietly.  My sister, my brother and I gathered around, talking to her, patting her, telling her we were all there and we loved her.  She never opened her eyes, but she calmed and said, a bit indistinctly, "I love you," as she relaxed.

     She was sleeping fairly peacefully when I left.  I hope she dreams; I hope her dreams are pleasant.

     It's not like the movies.  It's hard work.  Terribly hard.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

So Do Something

     Yes, there was a horrible atrocity on the 14th, and all of us want to do something.

      We disagree over which "something."  Having the same old arguments over and over isn't actually "doing something." Demonizing people and institutions isn't "doing something."
 
      I'm going to try something else. Something more difficult: I'm going to smile at people. I'm going to talk to them. I'm going to try to treat people as something other than obstacles.

      I might not do it very well. I might not do a lot of good. But I will have done *something.*

      Wanna try?

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Try To Be Good To One Another

     Just put in the effort to treat people as you would like to be treated.  Give it a try.

Friday, February 23, 2018

Don't Be A Mouthpiece For Vladimir

     Interestingly, every bit of coverage of the FBI's Russian election-interference case, from NPR to NBC to Fox News reports that the ongoing Russian effort is to find divisive issues and fan the flames -- not just pushing for (then) Mr. Trump, Sen. Sanders and Ms. Stein in the 2016 election, but anything else they can grab, including the recent school shooting. They are pumping out lots of extremist noise on both side of the issue.

     Have an opinion about that atrocity; have an opinion about what should be done in response to it. Express your opinion anywhere that'll let you, if that's what you want to do. But take a close look at memes you share; take a close look at tweets and opinion pieces you pass along. Is it from a source you know, or is it pot-stirring from some clickbait mess? If it cherry-picks quotes, does it provide a source or link for the full text, audio or video?

      Debate is an important and useful part of political discourse. Saying your piece and standing up for your beliefs is one of the ways we process horrors like the Parkland mass shooting -- but don't be played by Mr. Putin's online culture-warriors.
 
      We stick different bumper stickers on our cars but we all drive together on the same roads pretty peacefully. That is one of our great strengths as Americans. Remember it.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Saw Mom Yesterday

     She's in better spirits.  She...flickers: she knows you for awhile, and then not so much, and then she remembers again.  But she's happy, not scared or sad.  And they're keeping an eye on her blood chemistry and adjusting her medications accordingly.

     The situation isn't great but it's about as good as it could be, in light of her age and health.  Mom grew up during the Great Depression and WW II, at the very tail end of what's been called the "Greatest Generation," people who not only endured by persisted and triumphed.  But no one wins their last battle; the best any of us can hope for it to enter it unafraid.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Worry About My Mom

     I'm getting better but I'm Ssill not quite up to snuff.  Some of it is the muscle relaxer.  Some of it is...I don't know.  Worn out. 

     My Mom's having some more serious difficulties.  Any prayers, positive vibes and good thoughts you'd send her way will be much appreciated.

Monday, February 19, 2018

Nominally Off This Week

     Though I am on call if the weather gets better.  And I'm still sick.  I did a poor job of taking my medicine on schedule over the weekend, and now I am keeping track.  Maybe that will help.

     Something I dislike even more than the way people shout talking points past one another in the wake of firearms tragedy is the level of personal attack to which many descend.  It is actually possible for people to have deep, fundamental disagreements without either one of them being evil or uncaring.  But not, it seems, without them accusing one another of it.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Kind Of Ill Today

     I'm back on muscle relaxer and anti-inflammatory, and about to return to bed.