Tuesday, February 27, 2018

21 May 1931 - 27 Feb 2018

     My mother passed away this morning.  It was a beautiful, sunny morning and there are trees and grass and shrubbery outside the window of her room.  The sky is lovely and blue, with just a hint of high, wispy clouds.

     I wasn't there.  I had to work and I'm still at work.  There are men nine hundred feet up a tall tower counting on me to run the elevator and make sure the transmitters are turned down low enough to keep them safe.  There isn't anyone else to do this job.   But I know the window blinds were set to allow light in when I saw her last night, and I'm sure the sunlight lit her way onward to that land from which none of us return.

     It's impossible to thank your mother for the daunting task she took on in getting you to adulthood as intact as possible; or in keeping you going once you were on your own.  It's too big for any conventional thanks.  All you can do is go on and try to be as good as your Mom thought you were.

67 comments:

Rusty Miller said...

Roberta - I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your blog, I have seen how much effort you put into caring for your mother, and working through other family issues. You have been strong and caring during so many difficult circumstances... Don't forget to take care of yourself, now that your mother is gone.

Rusty

Blackwing1 said...

As a stranger I can only offer my deepest possible condolences on the loss of your mother. My warmest regards to you and your family.

Remember her in peace and happiness.

Farm.Dad said...

All our condolences from the entire Farm Family . May the pain of your loss be tempered with the knowledge that she lived well and is no longer in pain .

David said...

You have my deepest sympathy Bobbie. This is one of the hardest things in life to go through.

Knitebane said...

So terribly sorry, Roberta. My most sincere condolences.

Anonymous said...

Rare commenter, albeit daily reader here. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. ~K

Anonymous said...

So very sorry ma'am. Our condolences to you, family and friends to your Mom.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

I am so sorry Roberta

rickn8or said...

So sorry to hear of your loss Roberta. I've BTDT, and I know the pain. All I can say is it will get better. Remember the good times, My condolences to you and your family.

fillyjonk said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you in the coming days.

I don't know if it helps but something my minister always says (which makes me tear up every single time) after a death: May eternal light shine upon her. Or substitute whatever phrase is most comforting.

A J said...

Five years and a day ago I got the same call. My prayers, thoughts, and best wishes are with you and yours.

JPG said...

It is easy to see how much you loved and respected your mother. Please accept our sincere sympathy and hopes that your grief be bearable.
JPG & Holly

Jeffrey Smith said...

Condolences.
As a BTDT case, be warned that grief will creep up and mug you in the most unexpected times and places, but will sometimes refuse to appear at the times you would expect it.

And it's okay to smile over the good memories you have, and even laugh at the funny things, no matter what other people think.

Bruce Edwards said...

Condolences on the loss of your mother.
Remember the good times, cherish the family.

jason said...

Truly sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

Monty James said...

God keep and love her. Sorrow for your loss, and keeping you and your Mom in my prayers.

Raz Raxxaffian said...

I am so sorry to hear this. It is agony to lose a loved one, and the hurt never goes away, but only subsides slightly with time. Rest assured you will see her again in the hereafter and have a joyous reunion. Keep her in your heart and she will live forever.

Blessings,
Raz

D.W. Drang said...

We're very sorry to learn of your loss.

The Jack said...

I an so sorry for your loss.
You have my deepest condolences.

Bob said...

My condolences on the loss of your mom. I lost mine about 5 years ago and still miss her.

Paul said...

Sorry to hear about your mothers passing. Well written to tell us, your readers, of your loss. Remember her well and often.

emtgene said...

I will be praying for you and the other loved ones left behind. I had to bury my mother when I was 25. I'm now 65, and buried my wife 5 weeks ago. I know your loss, and have felt the same pain. Words mean little at a time like this, but I do hope and pray that you will receive the comfort you need.

Anonymous said...

My condolences. As with Bob, my mother passed about 5 years ago. It's still not easy.
Q

Don Travis Berry said...

Roberta,

So sorry for your loss. You are so right, that watching someone slip away is so incredibly hard. Beyond hard. BTDT, and had to make the decision to remove the breathing apparatus and allow my Mom to slip away. I hope you were spared those decisions.

As much as you are hurting right now, and in light of your comments about never being able to thank our parents adequately, perhaps you can find some solace in the fact that you suffered watching your Mom slip away instead of her ever having to suffer losing you. That may not seem like much of a blessing right now, but it is a real blessing. Remember it when you are hurting the most.

You are old enough to probably know this already, but grief is a process, and one you cannot avoid. The trick is to get through everyday trusting that eventually you will come through intact. You cannot choose to not grieve, but you can choose to not let it destroy you.

The wound will heal. It will leave a scar. But the good memories actually seem to get better.

Kindest regards,
DTB

Bill Flynn said...

I'm sorry for your loss Roberta

John said...

I am sorry for your loss.

Gary Griffin said...

Sorry for your loss, Bobbi.

Glenn Kelley said...

Condolences . I sat with my mother and both of my in laws . The experience is common and highly personal as the comments show you are not alone and we're here to listen and understand .

Glenn

B said...

My condolences.

Anonymous said...

Went through this with my father a few years ago. It's never the same, but I'm thinking of you. Our thoughts and wishes are with you.
Kerry

Cincinnatus said...

Best wishes and sincere condolences.

David aka True Blue Sam said...

I am so sad for you, Roberta. This is the hardest part of living. Mother is your best friend.

fast richard said...

My condolences. Losing a loved one is never easy.

Old NFO said...

Condolences and prayers for y'all. May she rest in peace.

Antibubba said...

Roberta, you have my deepest sympathies. Don't be afraid to ask those around you for help and love when you need it.

JPD said...

Our prayers are with you in this time of loss.

JohninMd.(Help!?!!) said...

We grieve with thee, Bobbi. So sorry....

Randolph said...

Prayers and Condolences. Celebrate her life.

Anonymous said...

Prayers and Condolences

dittybopper said...

My condolences. Truly, one of the most difficult things a person generally has to deal with is the passing of a close family member. I'll throw a couple of 73's and SK's out into the aether tonight in her memory.

de N2KMF

Joe said...

As a long-time reader and a stranger to you I can only offer my heartfelt prayers and condolences on your loss.

EdB said...

Condolences on your loss, the pain will pass and the memories will comfort you in the days to come.

AK Bear said...

My condolences for your loss. May healing come and time never dim the memories.

Josh B said...

From a near-daily reader that seldom comments, my condolences on your loss.

Anonymous said...

(((( Roberta and family ))))

Prairiedruid said...

My condolences for your loss, your mother and you are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

My condolences. We are all orphans at one time in our lives.

Gerald Frey said...

So sorry for your loss... praying for her and your family.

RandyGC said...

Others are much more eloquent that I, so all I'll do is add my condolences.

Chuck Kuecker said...

Sorry for your loss. My Mom left us a few years ago.

ProudHillbilly said...

Hugs and prayers. My Mom passed 10 years ago last Thanksgiving. Dad had been gone 9 years at that point. And it still hurts.

N.M. L. jr said...

My condolences. Prayers for you and your family.

Borepatch said...

Fair winds and following seas, MomX.

Anonymous said...

Bobbie: So sorry for your loss. Losing a parent or a child has to be one of the hardest journeys that we as humans have to make. Take comfort in knowing that she is no longer in pain and that her immortality begins with the memories of her that you hold close to your heart. The passage of time will help you deal with the pain and heal. Vaya con Dios.

Fred G

mostly cajun said...

deepest feelings of sympathy, lady.

Even when it's time, it's NEVER time.

Commander_Zero said...

"All you can do is go on and try to be as good as you Mom thought you were. "

That right there is a Great Truth of Life.

Merle Morrison said...

May she rest in peace - and may you find peace soon.....

Merle

DSmith979 said...

Deepest Condolences

Dean in Az said...

Peace be with you in this difficult time.

Matthew Fulghum said...

Ms. Bobbi, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I've had to face my own mortality, and I've lost all my grandparents at this point, but I've not had to bury a parent. If my mother doesn't quit smoking again, I'm afraid it won't be long.

At any rate, please take whatever comfort you can from the words of this complete stranger. I do wish I lived close enough by to bring y'all some comfort food; that old southern tradition of feeding the grieving I approve of most whole-heartedly.

rather selfishly, after last week's turd-storm (three weeks of chemo, and the first Saturday at home, I threw a clot and had a grand mal seizure) I received the news that my induction chemo was successful; I actually feel pretty good, and I've been able to cook for the first time since before Christmas. making a roux and building a decent beef stew? super therapeutic for me. Round two, six weeks or so worth, depending on infections and what not, starts monday, but I feel pretty good right now.

pigpen51 said...

I have been without internet for at least a week, and just found out about your loss. There really are no words able to help you as you must grieve in your own way, but know this, that many, many of us out here understand how you hurt, and hurt for you, in our own way. May you be healed, and may you be at peace, and may your mother find rest.

Roberta X said...

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, which are indeed a comfort.

David said...

So very sorry for your loss.

Fred Stein said...

Losing a parent is tough. I feel for you. My Dad passed in his sleep. My Mom's passing was a bit rougher. At the end of the day they are both in a pain free place and I hope a better place. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing your Mom is no longer in pain.

ScribblersDad said...

I don't know you, but we have a buncha friends in common, so I feel like I peripherally know you. And I'm sorry for your loss. If we are lucky, we all get to leave this world as old souls, and lucky enough to leave behind people who love us.
Sounds like she was lucky. I wanna help. Let me know if I can.

Ken said...

I just got the news this morning. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

Pa State Cop said...

Sorry for you loss doesn't seem enough right now. Stout Hearts.