Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Dear Minor Occupant:

Due to recent revisions in OSHA regulations in re "Chimney, Suitability for Entry and Egress" and "Fall-Restraint Devices and Suitable Anchor Points," the S. Claus Corporation will be unable to supply you with presents and/or Christmas cheer unless your domicile meets the following minimum requirements:

1. A Chimney flue measuring not less than 36" by 36" and equipped with:
A. An approved and securely-attached ladder made of fireproof materials.
B. A cable-and-brake fall-restraint system rated for at least 5000 lbs.
C. Lighting system per para. 14, subpart A., including battery-operated emergency lights.
D. Exit signage per 14. B.
2. Fireplace must be constructed as to to totally preclude the building of an actual fire therein.
3. Mantle to be not less than 36" above floor nor more than 48" above floor, with attachment points for stockings rated for not less than 200-lbs each.

As in previous years, your roof must be equipped with a 40' X 20' platform lighted per FAA regulations and able to bear a minimum 20,000-lb live load, or we will not be permitted by Federal authorities to land our delivery vehicle.

Wishing you a very Merry -- but most especially, Safe -- Christmas,

ClausCorp.

3 comments:

John Peddie (Toronto) said...

Have a good one too, and thanks for all the posts this year. I read your blog daily.

Hope you are
(a) enjoying a break from the cold
(b) above all-not going to get any panicky calls from the Skunkworks wanting you there RIGHT NOW to fix a problem...it's Christmas, chillun! Problems can wait.

George said...

Well, Roberta ... this is the Eve so I want to add to John's wishes. I hope you have a Merry Christmas, that the batphone remains silent and that you've been just naughty enough that Santa has to fix something special for you.

Oh ... and to Tam, too.

Regards.

Joseph said...

Reads kinda like our Fall Protection policy at work. Getting in to those damn harnesses can be an epic unto itself.