Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Adventures In Bathing

I take showers. The tubette here at Roseholme ain't much. Sadly, as I have lived in nicer and nicer homes in my adult life, the tubs have become smaller and stingier. My first real apartment, with 15-foot ceilings, a double-pole knife switch and two plug fuses for a "breaker box," a folded-zinc kitchen sink and a pilotless gas range -- all cast-iron and exposed pipes and here's a box of kitchen matches, girlie! -- had a six-and-a-half-foot long clawfoot tub, a yard wide and a yard deep, big enough to float in.* It's been downhill ever since and what I've got now holds a bit over one foot of water. But nevertheless, hope springeth eternal and yesterday, as a part of vacation madness, I took A Real Tub Bath.

Should'a locked the door! Littlest cat found herself floorbound (at age 20, she requires a human to return her to her preferred spot on my big oak desk and is not shy about summoning assistance) and roamed the hall, complaining: "Ow! Nao! Uuuup! Nao!" then eeled through the left-ajar door to lecture me in person, breaking off to go look down the floor register and announce, quite distinctly, "UH-OH!" then make an abrupt exit. Disconcerting.

About the time I was rinsing my hair, I heard a stir and looked up. James Bond fans, now is your time: here I am in sudsy water, damp hair all piled up, as a grinning Tam enters carrying a laptop bag, announces in her best Scandahoovian accent, "Luuuke!" and proceeds to open it, remove gun parts and assemble an AR-15 in a under a minute! Fascinating, I had to admit, even as I pondered that I now had insight into how Archimedes' fellow-bathers felt.... ;)

Never a dull moment around here.
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* If you leaned back and reached over your head when reclined in the tub, your fingertips would just reach a tiny wooden door set in the wall. If you opened that door, you'd be staring at the knife-switch-and-plug-fuses setup referred to earlier. And that was my first sight of it. Did you know you can sober up even when you are already sober to begin with? Truth.

14 comments:

Lorimor said...

What a heartwarming story.

Sam said...

Anyone else thinking "Castle Anthrax?" Any beacons around the cottage, possibly Grail-shaped?

So, who's Zoot and who's Dingo?

*ducks and runs, trying to spoil Tam's aim*

Comrade E.B. Misfit said...

I'm tall, I haven't been able to take a real "lie down and stretch out" bath in ages.

D.W. Drang said...

Pretty much have to splurge for a spa tub to get one big enough these days.

Ed Rasimus said...

When I saw the header I immediately flashed on some "adventures" in bathing from my days in Asia, but those were different conditions entirely.

When it comes to weapons and bathtubs, then the memory goes to Tuco. "When it's time to shoot, shoot. Don't talk..."

Joanna said...

I don't care if it *is* my roommate, if someone bursts in on my in the bathtub they're getting the shampoo bottle chucked right at their head. That goes double if they have a weapon. I've got good aim and a better arm. Be warned.

Roberta X said...

Joanna, Tam and I are somewhat, er, "informal" here at Roseholme. It's a very small house and we've only the one loo.

When My Ship Comes In Dep't: if I could afford to, I'd put a full dormer on the S. side of the attic and a small one on the North side with a half-bath + shower above the existing ground-floor bath.

og said...

I often think that civilized bathing should be done in a hugish copper bathtub that is placed in front of the tv and used as a divan when not full of water

Shermlock Shomes said...

Tease.

LabRat said...

There is no such thing as bathing alone here. Too many animals fascinated by the process. Zydeco will sit on the side of the tub and commentate the entire time, frequently forgetting about the water and dipping the tip of his tail as he gestures for emphasis. The dogs will come in, nose me worriedly, and then take a drink of the water.

Everybody feels far too betrayed and worried about me if I lock the door, of course. *sigh* They don't bother me when I'm showering...

reflectoscope said...

Generally speaking I accept the modern means of insulating water from electricity. That said, the less wire there is in my bathroom, the happier I am. Particularly uninsulated bits.

Jim

B said...

Naked, wet, women and guns.....

The only thing better would be adding bacon.

Tease.

Mark Alger said...

Problem with these nanny-state energy-rationers is the "Energy Star" appliance. In the case at hand, a water heater whose capacity is insufficient to fill a decent-sized bath-tub.

More's the pity. ::sigh::

M

TW: sless: as in, More 'sless.

Midwest Chick said...

You can get an overflow blocker at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Then you can fill a normal tub up much more. Only problem is then the inevitable pile of tub-reading can get tidal-waved if you move too fast and send a wall of water over the edge.