I take showers. The tubette here at Roseholme ain't much. Sadly, as I have lived in nicer and nicer homes in my adult life, the tubs have become smaller and stingier. My first real apartment, with 15-foot ceilings, a double-pole knife switch and two plug fuses for a "breaker box," a folded-zinc kitchen sink and a pilotless gas range -- all cast-iron and exposed pipes and here's a box of kitchen matches, girlie! -- had a six-and-a-half-foot long clawfoot tub, a yard wide and a yard deep, big enough to float in.* It's been downhill ever since and what I've got now holds a bit over one foot of water. But nevertheless, hope springeth eternal and yesterday, as a part of vacation madness, I took A Real Tub Bath.
Should'a locked the door! Littlest cat found herself floorbound (at age 20, she requires a human to return her to her preferred spot on my big oak desk and is not shy about summoning assistance) and roamed the hall, complaining: "Ow! Nao! Uuuup! Nao!" then eeled through the left-ajar door to lecture me in person, breaking off to go look down the floor register and announce, quite distinctly, "UH-OH!" then make an abrupt exit. Disconcerting.
About the time I was rinsing my hair, I heard a stir and looked up. James Bond fans, now is your time: here I am in sudsy water, damp hair all piled up, as a grinning Tam enters carrying a laptop bag, announces in her best Scandahoovian accent, "Luuuke!" and proceeds to open it, remove gun parts and assemble an AR-15 in a under a minute! Fascinating, I had to admit, even as I pondered that I now had insight into how Archimedes' fellow-bathers felt.... ;)
Never a dull moment around here.
* If you leaned back and reached over your head when reclined in the tub, your fingertips would just reach a tiny wooden door set in the wall. If you opened that door, you'd be staring at the knife-switch-and-plug-fuses setup referred to earlier. And that was my first sight of it. Did you know you can sober up even when you are already sober to begin with? Truth.
T. R. MCELROY'S STREAMLINED TELEGRAPH KEYS
4 months ago