Friday, July 14, 2017

So I Need To Write A Letter

     I've been having a hard time writing a letter.  It's nothing bad but it does involve a degree of emotional vulnerability and you readers may have noticed that I'm a little...locked down that way.  I have had a somewhat disappointing life -- not all of it my own fault, but enough -- and I just don't trust any kind of closeness that involves emotional risk.  Which all of them do.

     So, I tried with a pen, with a keyboard, and stuff would come up.  I made excuses: too busy, too stressed, doesn't really matter because nothing does, and so on.  And there was this huge wall of significance building up, and months went by--

     So, take a pin to that balloon, right?  Scribble off a quick note on Messenger and get it done!

     Yeah, well-- started into that last night, got two and a half paragraphs churned out (and they were good paragraphs, too), and either hit the wrong button or the computer glitched, but whatever, Firefox shut down, bam, and when I reopened it, all my work was gone.  Lost.

     I swore for two minutes, pausing only for breath. Then I went to bed, where I slept poorly.

     Sorry.  I'm lousy at humaning these days.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I totally get where you're coming from, but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Know that you are cherished by folks you've never even met. The fact that you are taking the "right" path over the "easy" path here speaks loudly of your character. You cannot change the past, but you can make the most of today.

You and your mom are in my prayers.

rickn8or said...

" I swore for two minutes, pausing only for breath."

I. Am. Impressed. It's a real shame it wasn't preserved for posterity.

And what Anonymous said.

Raz Raxxaffian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Merle Morrison said...

hang in there - this too shall pass.....

Merle

Guffaw in AZ said...

Cut yourself some slack, Jack! (Jill?)

What Merle said...

gfa

Will said...

Consider using gmail as a word processor with auto-save. It saves it to the web/cloud in a fairly often basis, so when (not if) Firefox or the system glitches, it should still be there when you re-boot. Minus what you wrote after the prior save, of course. Bear in mind that it will be in Google's claws, so if you require absolute confidentiality (well, non-public)(you were planning on just printing it out) you might not want to use this option.
I can't recall if Yahoo or other email providers have this remote storage auto-save feature.

Roberta X said...

So, Will, not familiar with Messenger? It's a text+Facebook messaging app, not e-mail.