I've been having a hard time writing a letter. It's nothing bad but it does involve a degree of emotional vulnerability and you readers may have noticed that I'm a little...locked down that way. I have had a somewhat disappointing life -- not all of it my own fault, but enough -- and I just don't trust any kind of closeness that involves emotional risk. Which all of them do.
So, I tried with a pen, with a keyboard, and stuff would come up. I made excuses: too busy, too stressed, doesn't really matter because nothing does, and so on. And there was this huge wall of significance building up, and months went by--
So, take a pin to that balloon, right? Scribble off a quick note on Messenger and get it done!
Yeah, well-- started into that last night, got two and a half paragraphs churned out (and they were good paragraphs, too), and either hit the wrong button or the computer glitched, but whatever, Firefox shut down, bam, and when I reopened it, all my work was gone. Lost.
I swore for two minutes, pausing only for breath. Then I went to bed, where I slept poorly.
Sorry. I'm lousy at humaning these days.
1 week ago