Thursday, May 26, 2016

Clown Sugar, How Come You Taste So Funny?

    Oh, "Senior Chamber."  Oh, "world's most deliberative body!"  --If you needed more evidence that government is run by the same cadre of mutual knob-polishers that made student government an exercise in futility, passing resolutions in honor of Homecoming pep rallies while the cafeteria served parboiled toads and half-deranged teachers put students through twisted personal hells, look no further than S.Res.475 - A resolution recognizing the 100th running of the Indianapolis 500 Mile Race.

     The ol' 500-mile race track has been privately owned since Day One and it still is, right down to a yellow-shirted private army of traffic cops and sidewalk superintendents (backed up by genuine po-lice with guns and arrest powers when necessary -- but the Yellowshirts work en masse and a wise denizen of the track will refrain from incurring their ire).  The 500 needs Senate recognition like they need two more wheels on the cars.

     The positive side is that every second the Senate spends -- and I'll be back to that word in a moment, "spends" -- on frivolity of this sort, National Gardenia-Scent Aftershave Day, Hug A Scorpion Day, whatever, is one less second spent misappropriating funds and sodomizing pages.  If, like me, you figure the has all the laws they could possibly need for the next hundred years or more, such wheel-spinners do keep the empty suits from making it more illegal to serve guests milk from your own cow or making lists of approved pronouns (better write your Senator now, you frelks and throons!).

     On the other hand, they've got the lights on and the air-conditioning running, coffeemakers gurgling and the vast presses of the Federal Register humming, world-famous Senatorial bean soup* glooping gently in the stewpots and filling every task, even the ones usually automated elsewhere, well-paid workers, hardworking (or heavy-sleeping, but I didn't pay for a first-class flight of fancy ticket just to judge some low-level functionary) and ready to fulfill just about every whim...of the people in the big, fancy room, orating grandiloquently on the anniversary of an automobile race a third of a continent away: they're spending my tax money at a nearly moonshot rate to perform self-important nonsense.

     "Most deliberative body?"  Fat lot of good that does, if they mostly deliberate bulldoodle.  Send 'em home, turn out the lights, set the cooling to the bare minimum needed to keep the place from growing mold and pare the staff down likewise.  The Senators can set up a party line or a BBS if they want to impress one another.

     If I was setting up a "deliberative body," I'd have 'em work standing up, outdoors, skyclad.  They wouldn't muck around.  Especially when the weather was bad.

     Gah.  If you didn't have coulrophobia, a close look at the United States Congress could give you a bad case of the stuff.
* Coals to Newcastle, beans to the legislatively flatulent.  And nary a block of government cheese in sight!


Jeff said...

I'd go watch six-wheeled Indy cars. :)

D.W. Drang said...

Hey, now! That's "world famous Michigan Bean Soup"!

The theory was that the Senate cafeteria would serve one dish from each state in the Union. Not sure how that's working out nowadays, and for all I know they now out source the beans to Barataria.

Nevertheless, I'm with you, as long as actual statesmanship is as rare as hen's teeth, the more time they spend on meaningless fluff like recognizing the Auburn, WA, Daffodil Parade, the better.

Chris said...

Don't you remember the 6 wheel formula one cars designed and raced by Ken Tyrell. 4 front tires for steering and two rear drive tires.

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Any time the Senate or the House is caught up with stuff like this is time they aren't actively trying to take what's left of our liberty away.

Roberta X said...

Chris: F1 is not Indy. *So* not. Sadly, neither are "Indy cars" these days. We used to get some genuinely odd stuff. As did F1, but different. Like Jeff, I might watch if we still did.

D.W., so which state supplies the pot brownies these days? Colorado, Oregon or Washington? ;D

Fuzzy: your lips to Congress's ears -- we can only hope they can't comprehend it.

Ken said...

Some of the "different" stuff at Indy really was different, as Miz Ecks notes. My favorites include the Miller Type 91s, Novi V8s, Agabashian's Cummins diesel from the '50s (made the pole in '52), and the Granatelli STP turbines from the mid-'60s. I hasten to point out that most of these are before my time, and I know about them only from my reading (the end of the Novis and the turbines were during my young childhood -- I remember my best friend had a Hot Wheels turbine).

My favorite 500 story goes all the way back to 1912, when Ralph DePalma and Rupert Jeffkins got out and pushed after their Mercedes threw a rod.

rickn8or said...

With this rant, you've truly outdone yourself Roberta.

pigpen51 said...

I am not sure about the bean soup, but I do know that pot brownies are quite a popular item here in Michigan. I tried them when I had a medical marijuana card for migraine headaches. Pot in any form never worked for me, in fact, I never got so much as a slight buzz, sleepy, tipsy, or anything from it. I have been told that I have a high tolerance to opioids, so perhaps to pot as well. On the other hand, I love bean soup.

JohninMd.(HELP?!??) said...

The Annapolis Towne Crier's line since colonial times, when our state critters resume Session; "Gentlemen! Secure your horses, your Chattel and your Women! THE LEGISLATURE IS NOW IN SESSION!!"