A very long time ago, I replaced a toaster just 'cos it was old and ugly.
In so doing, I must have angered the Toaster Gods. I have been unable to casually make edible toast ever since.
It comes out burned. It comes (partially) out snagged. It gets snagged, never pops up and flames come out instead of toast. It toasts for ten minutes and comes out hardly toasted. It comes out with weird toaster mung on it. Or ants, no matter how careful I am of the crumb tray.
Do not offend the Toaster Gods. Though their scope may be small, their vengeance is swift and long-lasting. Or are they malevolent AIs, starting with the first Toaster With A Brain™? Impossible to be certain (see "Law, Clarke's, #3") In either case, I blame Thomas Disch.
(SRSLY, WTH? It's about the simplest darned appliance in the entire kitchen. Set the doneness knob, drop 'em in, latch the sliding thingie, tick tick tick, toast, right? Not if you're me. Sheesh.)
Meanwhile, at XKCD, the odd effects of forming long sodium chains are studied.
Oh, and I'm goin' back to the doctor. Woke feeling icky again, took an anti-nausea pill and I still feel icky, just less likely to shed ballast.
T. R. MCELROY'S STREAMLINED TELEGRAPH KEYS
2 months ago