Saturday, January 15, 2011

Do Not RUN

10 TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN
20 MATE
30 GOTO 10
40 END

Just promise me the offspring won't be allowed to run wild. Kthxbye.

(Cybrus suggests an expansion, thusly:
10 ON (KANGAROO = DEAD) GOTO 50
20 TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN
30 MATE
40 GOTO 10
50 SKIN KANGAROO
60 TAN KANGAROO HIDE
70 INFORM CLYDE
80 HANG ON SHED: KANGAROO HIDE
90 INFORM NED
100 END
I have to point out that if you encounter an immortal kangaroo, you're still stuck in a loop. Also it requires a non-standard version of BASIC.)

It has been suggested that this is cleaner programming:

DO UNTIL KANGAROO = DEAD
TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN
MATE
LOOP
SKIN KANGAROO
(...identical to beta s/w from here to END...)

33 comments:

Carteach0 said...

So wrong. So..... basic.

Roberta X said...

Yes, GOTO loops are always wrong.

cybrus said...

So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde. That's him hangin' on the shed!

Roberta X said...

Ah!
10 ON KANGAROO = DEAD GOTO 50
20 TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN
30 MATE
40 GOTO 10
50 SKIN KANGAROO
60 TAN KANGAROO HIDE
70 INFORM CLYDE
80 HANG HIDE ON SHED
90 INFORM NED
100 END

Anonymous said...

An immortal kangaroo can only be found in a pocket universe.

Antibubba

CGHill said...

I probably should not mention that Rolf Harris also did cover versions of "Bohemian Rhapsody" (!) and "I Touch Myself" (!!).

D.W. Drang said...

I used to like that song...

Carteach0 said...

Where is the if/then statement in the tree which describes the 'dead' kangaroo variant?

Sheeesh... tighten it up! Loops and dead code are basically incorrect.

Roberta X said...

Then:
DO UNTIL KANGAROO = DEAD
TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN
MATE
LOOP
SKIN KANGAROO
(...identical to beta s/w from here to END...)

Stingray said...

Now we just need to cover the case where my boomerang won't come back.

BobG said...

"Now we just need to cover the case where my boomerang won't come back."

It is written in Basic, and Basic doesn't support a recursive function, so your boomarang is gone, John.

Word verification: eighthol
A new kind of alcohol?

Nathan said...

Or,

WHILE KANGAROO = ALIVE
  TIE ME KANGAROO DOWN
  MATE
WEND
SKIN KANGAROO

etc.

Or, since I've been elbow-deep in PHP since early this morning,

while (kangaroo) {
  tie (kangaroo, me, down);
  mate();
}
skin(kangaroo);
while (!hide_tanned) {
  tan(kangaroo, hide);
}
echo "kangaroo hide tanned, clyde!";
while (!hide_hung_on_shed) {
  hang(hide);
}
echo "kangaroo hide hung, ned!";
exit();

Anonymous said...

SPOKEN: There's an old Australian stockman lying, dying. He gets himself up
onto one elbow and 'e turns to his mates, who are all gathered around and 'e says:

Watch me wallabies feed, mate
Watch me wallabies feed,
They're a dangerous breed, mate
So watch me wallabies feed
Altogether now!

CHORUS:
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl,
Keep me cockatoo cool
Ah, don't go acting the fool, Curl
Just keep me cockatoo cool
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

'n' take me koala back, Jack
Take me koala back
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac
So take me koala back
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

Let me abos go loose, Lew
Let me abos go loose
They're of no further use, Lew
So let me abos go loose
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

And mind me platypus duck, Bill
Mind me platypus duck
Ah, don't let 'im go running amok, Bill
Just mind me platypus duck
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

Play your didgeridoo, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Ah, like, keep playin' 'til I shoot thru, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Altogether now!

(CHORUS)

Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hangin' on the shed!!
Altogether now!

ROLF HARRIS, 1963

per bRUCE
crankyoldmanwithgun@yahoo.com

Roberta X said...

H'mmm:

100 INPUT N 'HOW MANY WALLBIES ARE THERE?'
200 REM 'N=NUMBER OF WALLABIES'
300 IF N<2 THEN GOTO 900
400 INPUT $S 'ARE THEY FEEDING?'
500 IF $S=NO THEN GOTO 900
600 PRINT "CONTINUES WATCHING WALLABIES. WARNING: THEY ARE DANGEROUS."
700 MATE
800 GOTO 100
GOSUB 900

900 REM 'CHORUS. MAY NEED TO MOVE TO END OF PROGRAM'
1000 FOR I = 1 TO 2
1100 TIE KANGAROO DOWN
1200 ENGAGE IN ORGANIZED ATHLETIC COMPETITION
1300 TIE KANGAROO DOWN
1400 NEXT
1450 RETURN

1500 INPUT M "WHAT IS TEMPERATURE OF COCKATOO?"
1600 IF M > 68 THEN GTO 2100
1700 PRINT "BEHAVE IN A SHORT-SPOKEN, SOMEWHAT HOSTILE MANNER"
1800 INPUT M "WHAT IS TEMPERATURE OF COCKATOO?"
1900 IF M > 68 THEN GOTO 2100
2000 GOTO 1500

2100 GOSUB 900

(etc.)

Borepatch said...

Two comments:

1. GOTO considered harmful.

2. Ozzie drinking songs considered harmful.

And in one of my file folders (on dead trees), I have some code showing how to write C in Ada. That, too, is considered harmful.

I guess that's three comments. I'm now blogging at http://thespanishinquisition.blogspot.com ...

Roberta X said...

Unexpected.

Roberta X said...

...I ended up with icky little DO loops last time I tried actual BASIC-esque work...

Carteach0 said...

This comment thread has fallen off the geek end.... er.... I mean the deep end.

I say this as someone who has actually written code via punch cards once.

Only once.

Nathan said...

I was going to translate it to REXX but then something in my head said, "Dude...nobody cares" :)

Living in Babylon said...

One is forced to wonder if there is a word for "The Sensation of Finding Something Hilarious But Being Slightly Embarrassed You Find It Hilarious."

Whatever it is, I have it.

Don said...

I don't know what REXX is, but in this crowd you've probably got a shot at finding someone who cares.

John said...

This seems like a natural application of functional programming, to me. I may just be in that (unfortunate? long-delayed?) stage of my development.

TXGunGeek said...

Like FORTRAN so much better.
At work we still run FORTRAN, in a DOS shell on a Win97 Pentium 1 box!

ViolentIndifference said...

Wow, Roberta. Writing code in BASIC in a blog for amusement. You just got a lot cooler to me.

Which is kinda a bad reflection on me.

Oh well.

dantesfiringrange said...

- Out of Cheese Error - +++ Redo From Start +++.

Old Grouch said...

xbase:

set talk off
clear

kcount = 1       &&integer, number of kangaroos, max 28
verse = 1        &&integer, verse number (1..6,7)
finished = .f.   &&logical, program runner

* Main program starts here
do while (finished=.f.)

  do case
    case (stockman = dying)
      do case
        case (verse=1)
          count=1
          do while !(count < number_wallabies)
            do watch_feed(count)
            count=(count+1)
            loop
            * They're a dangerous breed, mate
          enddo

        case (verse=2)
          do while (cockatoo=hot)
            do cool_cockatoo
            loop
          enddo
          if (Curl_acting_fool=.t.)
            * Throw an error?
          endif

        case (verse=3)

          .
          .
          .

        case (verse=6)
          if (digeridoo_playing=.f.)
            do start_digeridoo
          endif

        case (verse>6)
          * "I'm not dead yet!"
          loop
      endcase
      verse = verse+1

    case (stockman = dead)
      * ----------------------------------------------------------------
      * Note from QC:
      * Rewrite to make sure we did all verses before (stockman=dead)
      * Thanks
      * ----------------------------------------------------------------
      if (digeridoo_playing=.t.)
        do stop_digeridoo
      endif
      if !(hide=tanned)
        do tan_hide &&It's HIS hide, not the kangaroo's!
        ! "So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde."
        loop
      else
        do hang_on_shed
        ! "and that's it hangin' on the shed!"
      endif
      finished=.t.   &&We're done!
  
    otherwise
     * "I'm alive and doin' fine!"
     loop
  endcase
  
  chorus
  loop

enddo

return
* Main program ends here


procedure chorus
* Sung 7 times, four kangaroos each
  loop=1
  * 1-dimensional matrix of kangaroos, kangaroo(n)
  do while (loop<3)   &&i.e., twice
    if !(kangaroo(kcount)=tied)
      do tie_kangaroo_sport(kangaroo(kcount))
    endif
    if !(kangaroo(kcount+1)=tied)
      do tie_kangaroo_notsport(kangaroo(kcount+1))
    endif
    kcount=(kcount+2)
    loop=(loop+1)
  enddo
return

SFlorman said...

It's "Tie me kangaroo down, SPORT," not "mate." But the intent is appreciated.

And the other verse:

"Mind me platypus duck, Bill,
Mind me platypus duck,
Don't ye let 'im go runnin' in the muck, now, Bill;
Mind me platypus duck!

All together now . . ." (etc.)

(Oh. I see someone else has the Rolf Harris album. :) )

Tam said...

SFlorman,

"It's "Tie me kangaroo down, SPORT," not "mate." But the intent is appreciated."

Yes, but that's not funny. ;)


(WV: "whinnesm" After which, the horse lights a cigarette...)

Nathan said...

@Don, REXX is an English-like programming language designed by Michael Cowlishaw back in the 1980s. It was intended for IBM mainframes but has been ported to various other platforms.

I still use it on the z/VM box we run at work and used to use the Windows port (known as Regina) extensively for things that couldn't be easily scripted in the DOS batch command language.

ViolentIndifference said...

Nathan: I used to use REXX on old DOS PS. Switched to using AWK and also a language called 'builder' that would make batch/script files that you could run interactively. Could set up an interface that looked just like the old TurboC 80x25 block-graphic IDE.

Ah. Those were the days.

Joseph said...

Ok, folks...now in Binary Code...

(which, once upon a time, I could read and write)

This is so geeky...and hilarious. Does that mean I am a hilarious geek??

WV..troutor

Robert Langham said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-8xLVTkb_o

Anonymous said...

I'd like to re-write the thing in Haskell, but I don't think I have the monads to pull it off.