Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Gibberish! Or, Roberta X Rants In Traffic

A bunch of dinosaur farmers, bulldoggers and recent claimers of hagship, with their hagseed yammering in the rear seat like performing polar bears on acid, vehicles inert as flies in frozen snot -- makes me feel like I've got a free lunch about to come up and for two pins, I'd lean over and heave it right through the nearest open car window! By jimbo, your distantest ancestors did not bother to invent the wheel so that you -- and you, too over there, Doctor Witling (somewhere Sherlock, having drained the tantalus and shot his needle's bolt, is trying to beat his brains out with a good briar pipe) -- could sit gawking at a green light until they went square! Wheels are to rrrrrroll. See the light? It's green! Grrrrrrreeeen!

I switched to the motorscooter to go fetch my prescription. At least on it, I already expect every driver to be an idiot. If I didn't have to carry a company laptop and a fancy digital-vid decoder tomorrow, I'd ride it to work. Why do the greater worries of a tiny two-wheeler add up to less stress?

9 comments:

Dave H said...

Why do the greater worries of a tiny two-wheeler add up to less stress?

Focus. When you're spending every available CPU cycle on staying upright and out of the crosshairs (and radiator grills) of those who would kill you, you don't have time to contemplate their ancestry, habits, or livestock preferences.

Carteach0 said...

Always remember.... they are driving to the best of their abilities. Not everyone who is handicapped has a registration plate stating such, and there is no special warning plate for the mentally challenged.

Pity them, for they must wake up with themselves in the morning.

Able said...

Err, ever considered panniers (and please get a proper motorbike! I see you on a ZZR1100, or you could get a surplus MT350 with already attached long-gun sleeve, surely the ability to pull out a rifle would come in handy sometime?).

"Why do the greater worries of a tiny two-wheeler add up to less stress?"

Why it's the wind in your.. err, helmet (mandated here),...

and the ability to (handlebar) crease the side of any vehicle whose driver p's you off (No officer, it wasn't me who 'scratched' the side of your Transit van - honest!)

Roberta X said...

I always wear clean panniers!

...The scooter can carry a lot (it's much like a classic Vespa, with the long seat and front and rear parcel racks). There's too much vibration for me to feel okay about carrying company electronics. 150cc, top speed of 55 (American -- something around 90 elsewhere).

I always wanted a scooter. Bought this one in '06. Not trading "up."

Keads said...

I have come to the conclusion that it does not matter what YOU are driving, watching people in big honking land-mobiles see you in a 1966 Mustang and look at it and slowly veer over tells me that!

Anonymous said...

Roberta said:

"...Why do the greater worries of a tiny two-wheeler add up to less stress?..."

'Cause no matter how bad the door-slammers in front of you screw up, when you're on two wheels, you can always find a way around, or through, or back. Freedom is being two feet wide instead of six.

BSR

PS - Thanks for the info on the thumb nuts - I checked McMasters? They didn't have what I wanted, but I did find another source. :-)

Stingray said...

and recent claimers of hagship, with their hagseed yammering in the rear seat like performing polar bears on acid...

Just FYI I will in all probability be stealing this at a later unspecified time, and having read it has made my day considerably the brighter, in that dark misanthropic anti-light sort of way. Please remind me to have Tam slip something powerful into one of your breakfast hashes so that we may have you secured in a crate and put in a quiet corner of some out-west social gathering and finally exchange such phrases in person once the screaming dies down.

og said...

The world is full of them, and I figure I encounter around 40,000 a day, and all of them are morons. Nice rant!

Anonymous said...

"Are you waiting for a particular shade of green?"