A New System

     When I form my own country, we're going to vote in the legislature via some conventional way, but they'll have to live in military barracks, wear plain fatigue-type uniforms and eat regular military food in a chow hall.  They won't be allowed (?) to drill or march together, nor touch weapons.

     But we'll pick the Chief Executive by means of The Sandwich: At a location randomly selected by lot, a low table will be placed, with a ham sandwich wrapped in waxed paper on it, under a large wooden crate propped up at an angle by a stick.  Heavy twine will be tied around the stick, leading off to a concealed blind.  The two highest vote-getters from the legislature will wait in the blind, but they will not have known in advance where the crate will be, nor will they be allowed to communicate until some poor fool has picked up the sandwich and been trapped by the crate.  He or she will be the new Chief Executive.

     If it takes days and the legislators doze off, missing a sandwich-grabber?  Tough.  Somebody got a free sandwich!  Otherwise, sandwiches are swapped out every four hours, and the concealed Executive-trappers can split the old one.

     Is it a terrible system?  Sure.  But I've been looking at how the various countries of the world pick their person for the worry seat, and I've got to tell you, none of them filter for wisdom or for success at the job.  Might as well pick someone who knows free food when they see it, and who we can all recognize as the sap who fell for it.  Here's your uniform, Chiefie!  You get the bunk in the corner.  Workday starts at six a.m., and if you're not out of the sack promptly, the Sergeant-at-Arms dumps you on the floor and frog-marches you to the showers.

     They can quit the job any time.  Hell, we've got lots of sandwiches, and there's a sucker born every minute.