Tam, in one of her recent dispatches from The Volunteer State, commented, "My cholesterol had dropped to dangerously healthy levels since moving to big, flat, square, cold Yankeeland, but it's all better now."
Some of you will be picturing arty, undersized portions of rank greens and praising Hoosiers with faint damns and I'll have you know that's entirely unfair; Indiana bulks right up there among the big-eating states, a mere point-and-a-half behind Tennessee. And no small portion of it is fried up and served with gravy. (You can't get decent red-eye gravy here, I admit, and a good many of 'em are skeert of okra, the fools, but hey, nobody's perfect).
Nope, it's my fault. Lost too many aunts, uncles and fathers to heart disease and/or strokes, for one thing; and I have a positive lust for big, complex salads, for another, and would have 'em for dinner each and every night if I could. Last but not least, I'm still within 15 pounds of my weight at High School graduation and I am in no hurry to change that. Having wrecked one knee and stressed the other while recovering, I can't afford to carry any extra. Is there no end to my wickedness and culinary perfidy? (Clutches at chest and falls over dramatically, sobbing or at least faking it. Poorly). It's a burden.
Elsewhere in the same, Indiana stands accused of being a "flat cold, square Northern State." Two outta three (I'm counting "cold, Northern" as one), roomie and if we're comparing, let's go back to this link and look at the map. Indiana, up there, under the glacier. See the Wabash and Ohio rivers, comprising, with Lake Michigan, at least half the borders of Hoosierland? Now Tennessee, a bit closer to the warmth with, gee, two very short wiggly borders and one teensy hitch in the getalong of one of the looong straight ones. Which state is the most rectilinear?
I shall not even touch on the affront offered denizens of Idaho and Wisconsin, or at least the mad cartographers who drew their respective borders. The way I figure, between her and them, it's just about an even match. Who's for popcorn?
All in good fun, roomie, and you'd better hurry back if you're after the best in deep-fried goodies: the Indiana State Fair starts day after tomorrow!
1. In addition to the other, famous volunteering, let it be noted they'll volunteer seconds without even having to hint!
2. It may not seem especially praiselike to persons living elsewhere but believe me, we'll take what we can get.
3. Tonight's, baby mixed greens with herbs, diced red and orange exotic sweet peppers and cornichons, topped with shredded mixed Italian cheese and a balsamic vinegarette dressing. Pay no attention to the base calumny in the linked page, the tiny frog-pickles are plenty salty-garlicky. Oh, yeah, and a Pastrami/Muenster/Rye sammich 'cos I didn't get much lunch. So there!
4. Among Blogger's spellcheck suggestions, "Houseplant." Now that's just mean.
5. Deep-fried bananas foster cheesecake -- on a stick. Oh. My. Dear. $DEITY. Can I just stick with one of these or one of those? Maybe both.
T. R. MCELROY'S STREAMLINED TELEGRAPH KEYS
7 months ago