We have met the foe and triumphed! Early intelligence reports were in error; OpFor was commanded, not by General Turducken, but by one Major Turkeybreast. Withal, our strategy proceeded according to plan: a long slow buildup of heat, taking longer and ramping to a slightly lower rate of fire than is commonly recommended, viz. 325°F for 45 min/lb. instead of 350°F, 30 min/lb. This approach proved successful and the resulted in complete capture without risk of dehydration.
On the left flank, a small group (believed to be Yukon Gold Spuds) found themselves in very hot water during the final half-hour of the battle; they were eventually finely divided and smashed by our troops, skin and all, though reports of the addition of Irish butter and what appears to be coffee creamer continue to puzzle our analysts.
In the right, a complex series of engagements -- frying bacon, frying mushrooms in the bacon grease, frying more bacon with onions, followed by the addition of flour, more heat and then the inclusion of milk, resulted in a victory recorded as "bacon-mushroom-onion gravy," now certified as the Official Gravy of the Roseholme campaign.
OpFor's rear guard proved themselves entirely green, started out frozen, became thoroughly steamed and succumbed.
At table, we were supported by an Argentine Malbec, which proved an excellent ally.
Relaxing after a successful campaign, we were surprised that evening by a sudden attack of apple pie a la mode but staged spirited resistance and, in the end, left no survivors.
Thankgiving 2010 was made of win!
1. A five-pound turkey breast, in fact. It was in the bin marked "Turducken." In fact, it was the only thing in there, so I didn't look too closely.
2. I ran out milk making the gravy. But it worked out very well.
3. We ended up with more bacon than needed to add back to the gravy. Tam solved that.
4. Edamame, broccoli, green beans, spinach and asparagus: it's really good.
T. R. MCELROY'S STREAMLINED TELEGRAPH KEYS
5 months ago