Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving After-Battle Report

We have met the foe and triumphed! Early intelligence reports were in error; OpFor was commanded, not by General Turducken, but by one Major Turkeybreast.[1] Withal, our strategy proceeded according to plan: a long slow buildup of heat, taking longer and ramping to a slightly lower rate of fire than is commonly recommended, viz. 325°F for 45 min/lb. instead of 350°F, 30 min/lb. This approach proved successful and the resulted in complete capture without risk of dehydration.

On the left flank, a small group (believed to be Yukon Gold Spuds) found themselves in very hot water during the final half-hour of the battle; they were eventually finely divided and smashed by our troops, skin and all, though reports of the addition of Irish butter and what appears to be coffee creamer[2] continue to puzzle our analysts.

In the right, a complex series of engagements -- frying bacon, frying mushrooms in the bacon grease, frying more bacon with onions, followed by the addition of flour, more heat and then the inclusion of milk, resulted in a victory recorded as "bacon-mushroom-onion gravy," now certified as the Official Gravy of the Roseholme campaign.[3]

OpFor's rear guard proved themselves entirely green, started out frozen, became thoroughly steamed and succumbed.[4]

At table, we were supported by an Argentine Malbec, which proved an excellent ally.

Relaxing after a successful campaign, we were surprised that evening by a sudden attack of apple pie a la mode but staged spirited resistance and, in the end, left no survivors.

Thankgiving 2010 was made of win!
________________________________________
1. A five-pound turkey breast, in fact. It was in the bin marked "Turducken." In fact, it was the only thing in there, so I didn't look too closely.
2. I ran out milk making the gravy. But it worked out very well.
3. We ended up with more bacon than needed to add back to the gravy. Tam solved that.
4. Edamame, broccoli, green beans, spinach and asparagus: it's really good.

10 comments:

homebru said...

I do not understand the phrase "more bacon than needed". Is this somehow related to the mythical "too much bacon"?

John Peddie (Toronto) said...

As your attorney, I'd advise suing the Terducken store for false advertising.

We'll settle for a lifetime supply of dead Generals.

My fee will be...say...2 of his legs, annually.

Joseph said...

Your Mission for next year, RobertaX, should you decide to accept it:

Bacon Flavored Turkey.

Your support on this mission will be one Brigid.

As usual, if you are captured, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of this operation.

Tango Juliet said...

Now begins "The Battle of The Bulge."

Comrade Misfit said...

I was going to do a turkey breast as well. But then I saw that turkey breast was $3.99/lb (3 pounds being the smallest one), while turkeys were $0.47/lb for a 12 pound bird.

Even with buying a disposable roasting pan, it was cheaper to cook a turkey.

Tam said...

Do you know the definition of "eternity"?

"Two people and one turkey". ;)

Jeffro said...

To the Victors go the . . . nap?

D.W. Drang said...

We also opted for a turkey breast instead of a whole turkey, as we realized we have the remains of several years' worth of enemies stashed in the freezer for stock, soup, chili...

reflectoscope said...

It isn't just dinner, its an adventure!

Thank you for submitting your experience to the Lessons Learned Center, that they may be employed in next year's campaign!

Jim

w/v: pizerse. It doesn't mean anything, but it sounds like it should.

Skip said...

Good on ya guys.
Beats my excursion to the local Sizzler.

Wasen't bad nor good, just was.
Did get in a little prayer for the pointy folks and us.