Friday, August 29, 2014

The Anithixotropic Mechanical Oscillator Cozy

     We ate up the last of the hot dogs last night (don't worry, there's plenty more at the supermarket!) and as I was attempting to apply a condiment, having first vigorously agitated the container, it occurred to me that there was a solution to the "ketchup problem."

     It's a strongly thixotropic fluid; when it's sitting in a nice big glob, it wants to stay a nice big glob and when it decides to go, it lets go all at once, gloop, all over your hot dog or fried-potato product or hot dog.  If you're using the stuff a lot or you like mass-marketed catsup,[1] the simple fix is a squeeze bottle.  At Roseholme Cottage, where  broad-shouldered, thick-necked bottles of Heinz Chili Sauce[2] jostle Jalapeno Ketchup[3] and Asian Sweet Chili Sauce[4] for room in the fridge, that's not an ideal approach.

     However--  In mt bristlebot kits, I have medium-size pager "thumpers" or low-frequency buzzers.  Put a couple of those in cutouts in a can cozy, add batteries and a switch and slip it over the ketchup bottle and voila, the anithixotropic cozy!  Turn it on, wait a bit for the red lead[5] to get all agitated, pour, turn off.

     I've got to test this.  As soon as possible.
1. If you do, give Red Gold a try -- it's got a richer taste than most, at least to my palate.
2. Yes, it's "mass-marketed," too, but it's considerably less bland.  No actual heat, just a delightful flavor.  (Also, check out this hot mustard tip from the blog linked to above.)
3. A "limited edition" and very nice it is, too. Notice how Heinz shows up twice?  Yeah, they're that good at the red-tomato-stuff-you-put-on-sammiches thing. Tam swears by the Jalapeno version and I like it -- despite my not being a huge fan of jalapenos, Heinz does 'em right.
4. Not ketchup per se but a bit thixotropic.  Darned good in the usual ketchup applications and even better on roast chicken.  Better barbecue sauce than most barbecue sauces!
5. With a tip of the ol' Stetson to John Wayne.  Ah-yup.


Charles Lee Scudder said...

I just shake the bottle by hand with the cap still on. Then open and pour.

Anonymous said...

MUSTARD is for hot dogs!

(I don't know what ketchup-catsup is for)



Robert Fowler said...

We found the jalapeno ketchup in squeeze bottles at our local store. I'll be stocking up.

rickn8or said...

"I shake and shake the ketchup bottle.
First none will come, then a lot'll."
--Ogden Nash

Annd another opinion on the matter...

Anonymous said...

I stick a clean knife in the neck of the catsup bottle. It breaks the seal so the catsup flows fine after that.

I'm kind of partial to Hickory Farms Sweet-Hot mustard on hotdogs, but it's hard to find where I shop.

Ken said...

I'm gonna try to track down the chili sauce and the jalapeno ketchup. I'm already in the habit of putting both ketchup and hot sauce (Tapatio, usually) on certain foods. Jalapeno ketchup ought to go well with spicy brown mustard on hot dogs.

Anonymous said...

We adults use Brooks. The kids your Heinz

Brooks has a touch of zing and a bit less sweet compared to Heinz

Chas Clifton said...

Or as the poet wrote,

"Shake and shake the catsup bottle,
none comes out, and then a lottle."

(There are enough variant readings of that verse to keep a philologist happy for ages.)