Saturday, October 01, 2011

A Round For Eternity

Yep, now you can be a round after you're dead.

Sort of -- there's an outfit in Mobile, AL that'll pack cremated human remains into shotgun shells, rifle cartridges, even (if I'm reading the form correctly) handgun ammunition. And why not? I've claimed (as a joke!) for some time that when I go, I wanted to be cremated* and have my ashes blown into the faces of a select list of idiots and oh, man, if it was shotgun shells-- But I'm dreamin'.

An interesting idea, and it's got to be more affordable and practical than having one's ashes shot from a cannon all at one go. An afternoon spent target shooting or taking down clay pigeons for one's funeral sounds to me like an improvement over the usual arrangement.
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* Actually, my plan, which I really ought to formalize one of these days, is a low-bidder cremation with the ashes dumped at the base of a radio tower if possible and if not, hey, whatever; city picks up the trash once a week and a wink is as good as a nod to a blind mule, mmmmkay? No service, no cards, no flowers, no faffing about -- in the unlikely event people would want to mark the occasion, they should go have dinner together or sing a few verses of "Ding, dong, the witch is dead," but I ain't settin' it up for 'em ahead of time. With no children or close siblings, there's nobody to take any cold comfort in the usual procedure. It'll just be a PITA for whatever distant relative gets stuck with it, so why not try'n make it as little trouble as possible?

23 comments:

Tango Juliet said...

Oh Bobbi, you'd be sorely missed.

Roberta X said...

I don't intend to be any time soon, not for decades and decades!

Anonymous said...

Too bad you cannot have your ashes encased in one of those Holiday Fruit cakes no one eats but are happy to regift it someone else. Who knows it might travel around the world. Lasts forever. Just a crude thought. Best of Luck.

rickn8or said...

It IS okay for me to miss you, right?

Roberta X said...

Rickn8: yes, but only after I've shuffled off this mortal coil, which I am in no hurry to do.

Anon: Naw.

Guffaw in AZ said...

You'll be missed. Stop discounting yourself!

wv: unymort
everyone dies

Nathan said...

Alternately, we could make space for your ashes under the lilac along with our deceased cats...

But you'd be missed. No doubt about it.

Anonymous said...

I had a friend who was a pilot who wanted his ashes dropped over the ocean. What's so hard about that?

Half his ashes made it into the Atlantic. The other half was washed off the 172 at an airport in New Jersey.

He would have laughed.

Gerry

rickn8or said...

Okay, thanks. I'm in no hurry to miss you either.

Turk Turon said...

I'd raise a champagne cocktail on your birthday.

Robert Fowler said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uA-SxvDfsQE

Here's a rockin version of ding dong, the witch is dead.

Not soon though.

Stingray said...

No service, no cards, no flowers, no faffing about

A-freaking-men. Back to the carbon cycle, and moving briskly into the roots.

Roberta X said...

"No cards" -- mind you, I'd consider euchre. Small stakes only.

Anonymous said...

Greetings, from the PacNorWest, from a(n) Fan, everyday Reader of your Blog and Admirer. If, for one Minute, you that you'd not be missed, you'd be making a Mistake, on your part, not mine. I'm thinking more like a carboard Shoebox secured with paper tape and the whole damn thing thrown outta a Coast Guard (I'm retired) helicopter whilst over the sea.

Larry said...

I'm with you, I don't really care what they do with my mortal remains. I don't plan on being there in any case.

Joanna said...

Saying "I don't want a funeral" is like saying "it's not your fault" when someone says they're sorry your mother dies. A funeral is a formalized way to say goodbye and gain closure for those left behind. In other words, it isn't for you, it's for everybody else. And despite your apparent feelings to the contrary, you, Bobbi, have a lot of everybody elses.

Roberta X said...

Joanna: I'd consider it a disservice to 'em to put some poor preacher (and/or friends) on the spot in a conventional ceremony, is all. Got nothing against people remembering departed friends in whatever way comforts them, I'd just rather they spent time and/or money on useful pursuits -- a meal, rather than a wreath, etc.

Joseph said...

What Joanna said. Stay around for at least a few more decades, I love your writing and sense of humor.

Skip said...

I have left instructions to put me in a trash bag and put out on the curb on Thursday.
After the truck has gone, everyone is to get drunk and tell lies as to what an asshole I was.
Laughter, hangovers, kool.

Drang said...

"Conventional" funeral, wake, blogger rendezvous/hamfest, toga party, whatever. It ain't for the dear departed--and make no mistake, you qualify! (Or will)--it's for those left behind. So to speak.

I recall having to go stand in a mass formation for a retirement ceremony with a few hundred other troops, who had no idea who those clowns were. I said then that I would allow no formation, but I'd consider throwing a kegger...
Same deal.

Robin said...

in the unlikely event people would want to mark the occasion, they should go have dinner together or sing a few verses of "Ding, dong, the witch is dead,"

You need to know Roberta that you've a lot of fans would be happy to sing that song to you ... errr, that didn't come out the way I meant ...

mikee said...

Go with a simple service, for those who care about you. Maybe Zelazny's Prayer, and then a mulitgun salute, choice of arms left up tot the participants, fired into your urn from 25 yards?

http://sonic.net/~roelofs/humor/zelazny_agnostic.html
Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen.

Roberta X said...

No. No, no, no.

The dickens with that. The dickens with any sort of standing around, attempting to wrestle the Infinite and talking about what a fine (or awful) person I was and the dickens with shooting up an innocent urn that never did anyone any harm, either.

Looky here, when I die, if people are silly enough to want to do something, let 'em go eat a meal. Or make out. Or have a drink, watch a movie, hike a trail -- go do something. Be alive.

'Cos we are all temporary structures on this Earth. I'll leave the after the people who think there is one.