Remember? "Put a caffinated aspirin in a short Cola and you'll get high if you drink it!" --Yeah, or just chug a few triple espressos.
I'm waitin' for the first teen to show up at the ER burping soap bubbles, 'cos Medical Science has just discovered that some kinds of baby wash make the little blighters test positive for marijuana. Yup, newborn babies from nice, dope-free families -- you there, stop snickering, not everyone you know is a stoner -- are coming up positive for THC, much to the consternation of parents and social workers.
Turns out if you check 'em with a slower, better test, they test clean; the super-mild soap merely triggers a false positive result. But that's not gonna stop some kid from chuggin' a bottle of Baby Wash just to make sure; it's just a matter of time.
(In other news: hospitals are routinely screening newborns for dope? Geesh. Big Brother is watching and he wants you to wee in this cup. Which isn't too easy if they're watching.)
T. R. MCELROY'S STREAMLINED TELEGRAPH KEYS
1 year ago