I'm scanning the headlines, yawn...Anderson Cooper comes out, to the surprise of almost nobody...some second-row model/actress giving Jessica Alba the stink-eye for having been handed better genes...undersea worms consume the bones of their victims by spraying acid, ho-hum...Higgs Boson 99.999 likely found...and something goes click. Ah-ha! Of course; it's the only logical reason:
I turn to Tam and say, "That's why Anderson Cooper confirmed it! --He's been dating the Higgs boson!"
Tam (reading items of actual worth, suddenly interrupted): "Higgins's bosom? Arthur Anderson?"
RX: "No, Higgs boson. Anderson Cooper? War of Jenkin's Ear?"
Tam: "Wart on Jenkin's ear?"
Less news. More fiction. It's a lot more internally consistent. And believable -- didja hear about the scary-skinny E! hostess who will cover the Olympics despite the near-certainly that it means she'll miss the birth of her and her husband's first child? Yep: hired a host-mother. Welcome to the future, still without flying cars or hotels on the Moon.
Update: Wednesday morning, the strange man in my TV was pronouncing it "Higgs bosun." As in the Navy rank. Now it's even clearer: see, the Higgs bosun couldn't go public until DADT was changed to "whatever, dude." I hope they're very happy together. Also, I wonder what kind of ship is the Higgs.
P.S. Since she's unlikely to tell you, Tam's knee sports a major bruise after her fall the other day -- but she's walking okay. Still, ow!
T. R. MCELROY'S STREAMLINED TELEGRAPH KEYS
4 months ago