State Of The Union: I Tried To Wash Dishes Instead

     Ran myself out of soap for the dishwasher and did the dishes by hand -- and still got done before the SOTU clambake and soiree.

     Thus far, Himself is paraphrasing the opening of the Orson Welles production of The War of the Worlds: "The war scare was over.  More men were back at work..."  BS, BS...

     Oh, my, cites "rising corporate profits" as a bad thing!   Zero-sum economics.  :(

     Wait, he wants children to become entrepreneurs?

     Ew, calling for selfless bipartisanship?  Mr. Divisive?

     Wants to get a budget.  Yeah, goooood luck.  Not, I note, a balanced one.

     Fear-mongering over those eeeeeevil cuts they're a-gonna get, if they don't gin up a budget.  The stick!  Any carrot?

     Nope, more stick -- "Yikes, they'll cut MediCare and Social Security!"  But he says he's kewl with "modest reforms."

     ...Especially if he gets to sock the rich good 'n hard!  ::Yawn::

     Pimping the Affordable Health Care Scam.   Yah, yew betcha.

     Reforms okay -- but the Iron Rice Bowl (look it up) must stand!

    No more loopholes or deductions "for the well-off and the well-connected."  That's me -- when the Dems tax the rich, I'm rich; when poor folk are told to suck it up and shaddup, I'm poor.  This is modern "middle class."

     "Shoulder to shoulder" noise about "tax reform," a/k/a higher taxes for the rich -- see above.

     "The People's Government."  Yowza.   Oh, us "the People," we're gems.  Unless we have guns or the Mary Juawanna, of course.  Or Sudafed.

     More Iron Rice Bowl noise.  Back-patting over his new New Deal.

      BRB, gotta go barf.

     "Apple will start making Macs in America again!"  Do they even still make "Macs?"

     Pushing the Military-Industrial Complex as an agent of recovery.   Gawd, he is Dick Nixon.

     Pushing Fed-funded high-tech.  Solyndra, anyone?

     America is producing natural gas?  It's all those beans.  And fracking.   Odd, I thought fracking was bad on the Left?

     Anthropogenic climate change fear-mongering.  He will save us single-handedly if Congress won't!  Captain PLANET!!!  (Never mind the correlation with solar output.)

     ..."New oil and gas permits?"  Yeah, where?   And he wants to sell 'em to fund an "energy trust" to invent magic alternatives.  'Cos governments are soooooo innovative.

    Blue-sky SF maundering.  Bo-ring.  Yeah, fix the damn bridges.

    More War of the Worlds paraphrase.  Oh, and Uncle Sam is gonna put a thumb on the scales of home-lending again.  'Cos it worked so well last time -- 2008, anyone?  "Why would we be against that?"  Geez, you idiot.

     "Give me the child and I'll give you the man:" Fed-funded pre-school!   Hooray!  Fill up those tiny minds! With Fed-worship!  Gotta go barf again.

      Eff-all about things like tryin' to encourage families to stay together....  Naw.  Preschool will fix it.  More paint chips, Billy?

     High School diploma as a ticket to a real job?  Only if the jobs are there, Mr. President.     

     Pushing the "affordability" of college, and blamin' those horrid profiteers at the nation's colleges; the Feds will fix it by bargain-shopping and steering grants to the "best bang for the buck."  Econ 101: guess what that will do to the price?  He can't.

     Aha, now we're onto immigration reform.  "More boots on the southern border!"  And more free rifles for the other side?  Plus that "back of the line" bilge.  A little web-search reveals this to be nonsensical.  But don't it sound good?  (Mind you, I figure if you can get here, get a job and work hard, you qualify for citizenship; but I'm a starry-eyed dreamer.)

     Now he's tellin' Us Wimmens what he would do for us, if only the House would bend to his will.   Too late, pal, I make more than most of the boys in my department.

     Minimum wage...he wants to raise it.  More jobs lost!  But hey, for every new bum-and-a-half, one-third of a minimum-wage worker will finally not qualify for food stamps!Wants to tie it to the cost of living -- as calculated by Social Security?  (Look it up, they fudge the index.)

     "More men should be back at work."  Welles, you are lucky you died when you did.

     Heyyyy -- actually talking about de-incentivizing single-parent homes for low-incomes!  Okay, please do.

     Salutes the troops.  Yep, you better.  Says we can win in Afghanistan and bring the troops home.  Hey, 50% is a pretty good batting average, right?  And he promises to have the war over by the end of next year!  Hear that, Al Queada? Taliban?  That's how long you have to hold out!  --Idiot.

      Says more handouts will prevent the need for more wars against the goat-herding savages.  Appeasement!  Sure.

     Says they'll be drone-killing and detaining indefinitely in accordance with U. S. law. whoopee!

     Tweaks the Norks, good on him for that.  Tweaking Iran, too, like they'll notice over the very loud crazy?

     Oh, cyber attacks.  Gah, I thought he said cybog.   Real world: if you can get to it over Teh Innernet, people will.  People you don't want to. Heck, it's vulnerable even isolated, if you let people blug in their media (thumb drives, etc.).

     NAFTA, North Atlantic style.  Is that a giant sucking sound, H. Ross?

     More shiny BS.  But wow, just like a Norman Rockweel painting -- and he'll cure AIDS!   WTF???

     U.S. as a shining beacon of freedom and democracy.  As long as his party gets to define "freedom and democracy."

     Says the U. S. will stad steadfast with Israel.  Louder, sir, I don't think theyre any too sure about that.

     "We will maintain the best military the world has ever known."  Well, y'need that if you try to police the world, but, um, "standing armies," sir.  Ah, support for LGB troops.   Already did that, didn't you?

     Big kissy for ol' Joe Biden.  Just like a dog, that one.  Ack, dog germs.

     ...Voting.  OMG, unscrew the lid on that partisan can of worms?  Long lines at the polls as a bad thing.  So they're gonna "improve the voting experience."  Not "improve voting."  So...snack bar?  Valte parking?  Background music?  Get less nasty evil peoples like me to show up?

     Oh, screw me, he's onto guns now.

     "Background checks" --Which his own Justice Department says can't work without registration.

     AWB/magazing capacity ban -- which his own Justice Department says won't work without "mandatory by-backs."  Confiscation, in other words.

     Blood-dancing over the poor little girl who performed at the Inauguration and got sent back to Chicago to be shot in a park "Just two blocks from my house."  In gun-controlled Chicago, with every law the Pesident says will fix this....  Doublethink much?

     Litany of mass shootings, as if that justifies gun-grabs.  Hey, I didn't do them.  My guns didn't, either, so why do you want to take them?

    Cheering individuals who Do Good. (unrelated to his gun hangup, too!) Okay, give him that, someone otta.

     Spoke too soon -- now mentions the police officer who took on the bad guy at the Sikh temple.  We're kinda on the same side in considering that cop a hero.

     Weird riffing on "citizenship."  Which you should'a learned in Civics.

     Thank you!  God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.   All done.

     Could have sucked more.

     Media latching onto guns like vampires on a hemophiliac.  Cripes.

      Guns, guns, guns.  Pundits admitting "a vote" is about all the mad dreams of the anti-gunners are gonna get.  CALL CONGRESS!  Tell 'em to say NO to gun-control: 202 224-3121.

     And now it's the festival of economic ignorance.  Can any of these newsies balance their own checkbook?

     Must call it a night.  Talking heads are making me queasy.