Saturday, February 23, 2013

Pizza Guy 1, Bad Guys 0

     Don't try to rob pizza delivery drivers in Indianapolis -- they find it objectionable.

     The tl;dr version: two choirboys took it on themselves to relieve a delivery driver of pizza and, presumably, cash.  One of them, a mere 15 years old, made the request at gunpoint.  Pizza delivery guy shot first; his young assailant is in the hospital, en route to jail.

*  *  *
(To a familiar, molluscian, tune:)

"Piiiizzzza time has come
With pepperoni please have some
But please don't steal the pizza
Not the drinks or the car or the tip
(Just don't be like they are)

"Come on baby
(Don't steal the pizza)
Baby, take one slice
(Don't steal the pizza)
No anchovies, don't cry
(Don't steal the pizza)
Baby, it's here in my hand

"La, la la, la la
La, la la, la la

"Pizza pie is almost done
Here, but not quite gone
Pepperoni and mushrooms
Altogether just too yummy
(Pepperoni and mushrooms)

"40,000 pies delivered every day
(Some pepperoni and mushroom)
40,000 pies delivered every day
(They define happiness)
Another 40,000 selling every day
(Please don't steal the pizza)

"Come on baby
(Don't steal the pizza)
Baby, take one slice
(Don't steal the pizza)
No anchovies, don't cry
(Don't steal the pizza)
Baby, it's here in my hand

"La, la la, la la
La, la la, la la"

     (And so on.  I forget where guitar solo goes.)

14 comments:

JohninMd.(HELP?) said...

Sounds like a catastrofic failure of the victim selection process....Choir boys, you say? So sad...

Tam said...

Oh, that is brilliant!

BGMiller said...

I can only imagine the airing out of a goblin that will lead to a rewrite of Godzilla.

And I look forward to it.

BGM

Old NFO said...

I just hope the good guy is not fired...

rremington said...

Needs more cow bell! (Sorry, somebody had to say it.)

Bubblehead Les. said...

Didn't Richard Davis of Second Chance Body Armor get his start as the Survivor of Pizza robbery about 30-40 years ago? Think he used a J-Frame.

Yet after all these years, Criminals are still "..a Superstitious Cowardly lot." And yet, we the Law abiding Gun Owners are the BAD GUYS!

RandyGC said...

Dang! rremington beat me to it!

Awesome.

Shermlock Shomes said...

I'm waiting for the predictable sobbing mother who angrily claims, "He's a good boy! He ain't done nuthin' like this before! Why did they have to shoot him?"

Ratus said...

Thanks.

Now, I can't get it out of my head.

Don't steal the pizza...

Roberta X said...

Heheheheh. Just think of the video!

Joseph said...

(To a familiar, molluscian, tune:)

Love it!

Gewehr98 said...

Babies.. before we're done here.. y'all be wearing gold-plated diapers.

Ken O said...

That is really excellent. I was quite proud of my 'roid inspired rewrites "My ring's on Fire" and "Bunghole!" (Day-O) but I think you have topped me.

instinct said...

Awesome.

But for some reason, my brain started putting your lyrics to "Don't pay the Ferryman"