Thursday, February 06, 2014

Confession Time

     Friends (both of you) readers and random fools, I have lied to you for years.  See, when I started blogging I was just past the end of a long-term relationship.  After fourteen years, I got dumped, and under terms that made it clear I'd been played for at least half of that time, providing food and shelter and 500 channels of TV while being cheated on.  Somebody else got the romantic candlelight dinners while I did my (admittedly inept) job of homemaking.

     I wanted those years back.  So I took them.  I listed my age as "40."  That was a lie.  I was 50 then.  I'll be 56 this Spring.*  I should not have done it but it was a more-or-less white lie and back then, I could pull it off.  A hard-used 40 or a lucky 50, there's not much difference.  Time marches on, alas, and any more, there's a big difference in the morning waking up and there's a big difference when I come home after work.  I'm worn out.  I'm creaky. It's the slow start of the Big Downhill.

     These days, I'm cranky.  My hearing is starting to go (can't pick voices out of the noise) and my patience is done gone.  You get what you get.  If you don't like that, there's plenty more elsewhere.
_________________________________
* This is something of a mystery to me, as I could have sworn I was 29 or 30 just last week and in my best moods and condition, I still feel that age.  Ooooo, the universal tragederification of it all.

36 comments:

Robin said...

Pshaw, your age is unimportant. Not our business, besides you are supposed to lie about that just for character purposes.

greg said...

Heck, my wife, who can, sitting around the house in no make-up and sweat pants, pass for a girl home from college, still feels the need to say she's on her 6th 29th Birthday.

To agree with Robin, not once has your age entered into any of the reasoning that I visited your site, or the importance with which I treated the insight you have gifted upon us.

The Freeholder said...

Darlin', we don't love you for or because of or even in spite of your age. Besides, us old folks have to stick together so we can keep these kids shooed off our lawns. ;-)

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

so, instead of being my age you are MBtGE's age? So?

David said...

I still have 7 years on ya, you kid.

NAVIGATOR said...

TIME DISTANCE SPEED AND POSITION ARE RELATIVE

MY GRAND UNCLE REMEMBERED READING A BRIEF NEWSPAPER ARTICLE ABOUT A FLYING MACHINE BUILT BY TWO BICYCLE
REPAIR SHOP OWNERS
SOME YEARS LATER HE WORKED OUT AT REPUBLIC AVIATION ON THE FIRST USAAF OPERATIONAL JET FIGHTER
LATER HE WATCHED NIEL ARMSTRONG MAKE ONE SMALL STEP FOR MANKIND
THE TIME BETWEEN THE HISTORIC EVENTS FROM THE OUTER BANKS TO TRANQUILITY BASE DID NOT SEEM VERY
LONG TO HIM
BIRTHDAY CAKES SHOULDNT RESEMBLE A MAJOR CONFLAGRATION
LIGHTEN UP ON YOURSELF MS X !

AR
DE 4XMA

Anonymous said...

Who cares? The years pass and we circle round and round the sun. Time passes and we go on and on until we must stop. Until then we should be full of life. So go and live. Your age is irrelevant.

Anonymous said...

HORROR OF HORRORS! Your age wasn't listed correctly??? I don't know who would ever do such a thing! Why I would NEVER lie about my age! I'm fif- uhhhhh fort... uhhhh thiiirty-five, yeahhhhh, that's the ticket, thirty-five. And my wife is Morgan Fairchild...

DoninSacto said...

Roberta, to those of us that care about you, your age doesn't matter. I have always thought of as just the right age to know more than I do about things that interest me and still look really hot on weird bicycles.

Anonymous said...

You're almost exactly one year older than me, which means you can actually remember that first moonwalk, and you can also remember(probably more pertinent here) that Jack Benny was 39.

Besides, women are expected to lie about their age. My mother z'l' purposely got her DL to say she was two years younger than she really was, and carried it that way for the last thirty or so years of her life.

Anyway, it's what you post, and not your age, that gets me reading you every day. And I've been cranky and slightly hard of hearing all my life, so I don't see any reason to apologize or worry over those things.

Kishnevi

Joseph said...

You are a good looking woman and endlessly interesting. You are PROOF that age is only a number.

B said...

I have known you for years.

and I never cared about your body's age.

Your mind is as young (or younger) as mine....and that is what is important.

Gewehr98 said...

Ain't no thing. Keep on keepin' on!

Rusty Miller said...

Miss Roberta,

Your wit, charm and incisive writing are ageless... The photos of you that I've seen show a woman who wears her years lightly. Speaking for myself, I've never given much thought to your age, I just count myself lucky that you write and share your life. Thanks, ma'am

One of your many admirers

Jennifer said...

I was supposed to be concerned about your age? Why was I not informed of this?
Honestly, never gave it a thought. I find your writing delightful and the scoundrel that left you didn't know what he had.

Sdv1949 said...


Ah, my. I feel ya, my dear.

I feel much the same.

Anonymous said...

Getting older isn't easy, I just wanted to de-lurk to say I
Realy enjoy your writing. Hang in there.

Allen

Farmgirl said...

40, 50, or 20, doesn't make a difference to me. I enjoy reading your blog regardless.

Joseph said...

You can think of your age as 13 Celsius.

rickn8or said...

"...and back then, I could pull it off."

From where I'm sitting, you can still pull it off.

And 56 is not old; I'd happily be 56 again.

So now you've gotten it off your chest and out in the open and you feel better for it and your friends are still here.

Doesn't get much better than that.

Anonymous said...

Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto!

BGMiller said...

On behalf of the random fools...

Pffffftttttt.....

I know some children with a lot more orbits logged than you and I know a few short people with milk on their breath that I would swear should be living the track suit life down in Florida.

Besides, I have it on good authority that figuring your age gets into new math territory when you have to factor in time spent superluminal.

BGM

Jeffro said...

Like I care how old you are. So, do I check your teeth like a horse or something?!? The contents of your heart and mind seem to be what I give a rat's patootie about.

And as for your ex - what a Richard Cranium. 'Nuff said.

Wolfman said...

Like many of the others here, I'll note that I never asked your age- the quality of content keeps me here, and that isn't affected by a discrepancy in timekeeping. That aside- you'd not have dispatched this pronouncement without cause, so one must suppose that you felt this needed remedy. Thank you, then, for your honesty. If such matters in your eyes (and truth does indeed matter, though this is so eminently forgivable) then we'd be fools to protest.

Jess said...

I'm thinking your fan club will have to change their biography page. It should take less than a few minutes and I doubt anyone will notice. ;)

Ritchie said...

I have no recollection of any such statement, and most of you look like kids to me on the internet anyway. Mind the lawn over there.

WV component: SPINORS

Able said...

To: Miss Roberta X

From: Head of Complaints Dept.
Blogspot.com



Dear Miss X
We regret to inform you that a serious compliant has been made to us regarding your blog twowheeledmadwoman which we are duty bound, by our terms of service, to thoroughly investigate. As such we have formed a panel to do so.

Complaint
The specification of the complaint is with regard to both the previous age you claimed on your blog and, compounding the alleged offence considerably, the patently unbelievable claims you now make.

Findings
After a thorough review of your blog the panel, in the overwhelming majority, agreed completely with the complainant. Specific panel comments along the lines of 'no way', 'not a chance', 'maybe half that' were followed with 'gorgeous', 'beautiful', 'stunning', 'style', 'poise' 'wow' which were repeated consistently throughout the review process (and Mr Brown – Finance, did at one point pass out after staring longingly at your photo having forgotten to breath. However, we will not be instituting legal proceedings against you for causing such untoward effects). The one dissenting vote, Miss Pearce – Human Resources, was over-ruled as her obviously jealous tirade of 'I hate her, I hate her' followed by bursting into tears makes her evaluations suspect.

Ruling
As such the Blogspot complaints panel has no option but to rule in favour of the complainant.

Actions
We understand that you may wish and have the right to defend your position and as such we would like to arrange a meeting for you to present any supporting evidence for your claims (birth certificate, witness statements, affidavits, etc.).

As such the winner, I mean a member of our investigative staff will meet with you at your convenience to peruse such documentation you may wish to present. We require that this meeting occur in a public venue. Please be reassured that as respected professionals the requirement that it be in a candle-lit venue with champagne available is entirely necessary (as any document specialist will confirm, a proper assessment of such documents can only be undertaken in candlelight, allowing any discrepancies to be seen more clearly, and champagne is the gold standard ink solvent of choice in important cases such as this). Also, should our investigator insist on 'holding-hands' and 'staring into your eyes', please be reassured that this is simply normal policy to preclude your absconding before completion of the investigation, and as a means of assessing the truth of any statements you make.

We look forward to a swift resolution of this major issue.

Sincerely

U. R. Admirer
Head of Complaints Department.

rickn8or said...

Besides, in hex, you're only 38.

Gewehr98 said...

Commenting, just because comments have magically been turned back on.

BTW, 50 is the new 40. ;-)

Tango Juliet said...

I think you're wonderful Bobbi.

SJ said...

@Bobbi,

I respect your wish to set the record straight, and remove the taint of deception from your actions/words.

I did notice that the ravages of Time (more accurately, the depredations of his fellow-traveler Entropy) have been stressing you of late.

At least, complaints of Entropy's attacks on your energy and physique have increased, of late.

Best wishes for your next year.

Bruce Edwards said...

To repeat Robin, "Pshaw..." Your're only as old as you want to be. My grandmother was 39 until the day she died 57 years later.
Hell, I hit 65 last year but I still refuse to grow up.

Anonymous said...

I'll echo Wolfman's thoughts, and add a note that it's not necessarily the numbers...

One time when my father was visiting, he went with my brother and his family to the K&W cafeteria. Dad, a white-haired man in his 70's at the time, reportedly looked around and said, "Wow, look at all the OLD people in here."

wv: fewlong number

Jim R, cupping hand to ear...

Jim R said...

I'll echo Wolfman's thoughts, and add a note that it's not necessarily the numbers that count.

One time when my father was visiting, he went with my brother and his family to the K&W cafeteria. Dad, a white-haired man in his 70's at the time, reportedly looked around and said, "Wow, look at all the OLD people in here."

wv: fewlong number

Jim R, cupping hand to ear...

Anonymous said...

You wear it well, baby.
Many happy returns!

Ken said...

Beginning to wonder about my own hearing. Quiet speakers in the back of the classroom usually get a request to repeat. White noise may or may not exacerbate the problem.