Clicking on "LOG IN" on your start page really ought to take me to, you know, a login window or summat, instead of doing nothing at all, leaving me to flounder cluelessly until I find a page with specific logins for each and every kind of service and package you offer (Wireless. Home Phone. DSL. TV. Home phone and Internet. Wireless and cable but not Wireless Cable. Wireless and home phone, no Internet, Cable on Sundays only. Wireless Teletext with simultaneous translation to and from Lithuanian.
Once I find the right one (DSL, Foam Hone and Wirelessesses, with a side of Morris Dancing), it takes forever to get to the "Service" page, which keeps telling me to go check at the NI* ("Watch this video!" Oooo, complex Deeeep Science.). I already checked there. I already did before I tried to log on. I already did with a frickin' 300-series desk set, which is as basic a phone as you can find, and if it doesn't get DC or dial tone, then they. are. not. there. Where's the checkbox I can check to say I already checked? Not got?
So I slog through all this, and the 34-character limit on the the tell-us-the-problem window, and the warning that if The Phone Man has to come inside and touch my precious wires, that will cost me biggo. (Yeah, look, phone man? You can't. Make sure the drop is okay and the can it comes outta is right; it's dead at the outside wall, with none of my ratty wring connected.)
I do all that and what do I get? I get a solemn, automated, honest-to-George Stibitz promise that they will fix the problem without fail, not later than 2000 this coming Thursday.
* "Network Interface," the magic putty-colored box on the outside of your house or apartment where the drop from the phone company lands, which has a two-section door. There's only one side you can open without a