Tuesday, April 06, 2021

It's Ant Season

      The ants are back, tiny collectivist monarchists scurrying on the kitchen counter.  Not quite randomly and I suppose they do some good: they have already prompted me to check the crumb tray in the toaster, which was long overdue for emptying.  I brushed out the inside of the toaster while I was at it, too.  Shop elsewhere, you six-legged pests!

      I dislike them.  Tamara loathes them, with the white-hot revulsion of someone finding out her cornflakes have been colonized.  By and by, we'll be setting out some tempting, tasty (and, oh dear, deadly) treats for them to take home to the Crown.  They seem to be getting more wary with each passing year, but once I have everything else in plastic containers and freezer bags -- alas, no more twisting the waxed paper around a stack of crackers tight and calling it good -- they'll have no other choice.


New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

"...our mum is awful sick..."

Anonymous said...

I, of course, have no idea what the composition of your kitchen fixtures is. However, if you have Formica counter tops, that is almost certainly the source of your problem. From your high school Latin, you will recall that formica is the word for ant. The counter-top material is given that name because it is made from the processed exo-skeletons of ants*. The ant invasion is retribution for the violence visited upon their kin.

The solution is to replace your counter-tops with iridium-inlayed granite counter-tops. This will certainly allay your problem. The cost will be quite minor when compared to the peace of mind you will achieve.

*alternate fact