Tuesday, December 28, 2021

The Dreaded End-Of-Year Review

      It's that time again -- because who doesn't want to spend the week between Christmas and New Year's desperately digging for examples of having been useful for something other than keeping the floor from floating away?

      It's Agonizing Self-Appraisal time, which then goes into the corporate hopper and doesn't come back for weeks and weeks, at which time whatever frantic boosterism I come up with now will look pretty threadbare.

      "Due to superior willpower and an overpowering fear of not having medical insurance, overcame the strong impulse to resign before age has turned my mind to mush and my joints to stone," is probably not going to pass muster; it's not really a value-added service for my employer.  Besides, lots of my co-workers are already doing the same thing, and with more dash and élan.  H'mm, "Have not caused an utter disaster so far this year?"  True but moot.

      Better get to digging.  I must be of some use around the place.  Somehow.  I hope.


Blackwing1 said...

Back in the ancient days prior to retirement when I was still working for a MegaCorp I got very tired of the entire "performance review" process which of course included a self-assessment. So the last year I did one I wrote:

"- Kept my head down.
- Kept my mouth shut.
- Did my job."

My boss was initially amused, and then realized I wasn't joking and that this was all I was going to provide. He ended up writing the "self-assessment", as well as the review.

Since all of the funds for raises came out of a single pile for the entire group, a stellar review meant a 3% raise while an average one was 2%. It wasn't much of an incentive.

Following that year I simply told my various bosses they could take the entire process and shove it up some HR weeny's orifice, and that with the limited number of years of employment left in front of me (I was ready to quit right then anyway) it really didn't matter.

I still got pretty much the same raise that everybody else did.

Anonymous said...

The end-of-year review is almost as dumb as the pre-employment questions like, "what are you hoping to get out of this job?" "I need money and don't want to starve" isn't usually a good enough response. :)

We have to set goals at the beginning of the year, too. Usually there's a big CapEx project that I can place as a goal, say, install a new production switcher. At review time, I can say it's installed, working, and no lost newscasts. That takes a little angst out of the process for me. Of course, completing one big project isn't enough. :)

Gordon R. Brown said...

When I had a boss with a sense of humor, I always included: “ Play nice, try not to strangle anybody.”

George said...

One time, I filled out my review like this:

Accomplishments in the last year: Didn't F up and get fired.

Short term goals for the next year: Don't F up and get fired.

Long term goals: Don't F up and get fired.

I met my goals.

Ritchie said...

Long ago and far away (about 9 miles) when I still had a job, there was a review question something something communication something. I put "I try, I really do." This got a quffaw from the actual corner office, since we had about 4 sorts of outlanders in an electronic/optical manufactory. Not to forget the little old Korean ladies who spoke Japanese.