...Especially if I win one of the really big prizes (for which the odds are so lousy that my not buying a ticket doesn't materially reduce my chances of winning -- someone could give me a ticket, or I could find one), at the big-deal winner's press conference, when they turn the mikes on me I'm going to be so tempted -- so terribly, terribly tempted -- to say just one thing:
"Twenty thousand dollars to the first reporter who punches another reporter in the throat!"
Man, there is way more than $20,000.00 in entertainment value in the first fifteen seconds alone.
(Yeah, I'd feel real bad about it later. Just awful. But how many times have they shoved a mike and a camera in some grieving person's face, standing at the scene of some horrible calamity, and droned, "How do you feel?" milking the moment for cheap sensation. It kinda begs payback. It feels like a punch in the throat, is how it feels, okay?)
A VINTAGE-SUITABLE CALENDAR
4 weeks ago