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The further and continuing adventures of the girl who sat in the back of your homeroom, reading and daydreaming.
About Me
- Roberta X
- Indianapolis, Indiana, United States
- I'm *mindlessly* fascinating. My internal monologue is like a frog in a blender, swimming like mad to keep ahead of the blades.
What's On My Other Blogs?
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HERMES "ROCKET"5 years ago
My Blogfriends List
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Ethnic food, Westphalian style1 day ago
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Cults and Music5 years ago
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Defenders Of The Bill Of Rights
(c) 2007 through 2024, inclusive. All rights reserved.
Ego vadum perussi vestri prandium
Ego vadum perussi vestri prandium
"I saw to what extent the people among whom I lived could be trusted as good neighbors and friends; that their friendship was for summer weather only; that they did not greatly propose to do right; that they were a distinct race from me by their prejudices and superstitions."
Henry David Thoreau
Henry David Thoreau
Blogs: A link here does not constitute an endorsement! Many people have gone nuts in recent years.
- View From The Porch
- Cop Car's Beat
- insert witty title here
- Walls Of The City
- True Blue Sam
- Trailer Park Paradise
- Tom Cochrun/Light Breezes
- Thunder Tales
- The Wandering Thoughts Of J. R. Shirley
- The View From North Central Idaho
- The Unwanted Blog
- The Travis McGee Reader
- The Shekel
- The Miller
- Marko Kloos (.com)
- The Clue Meter
- Staghounds
- SnarkyBytes
- Sharp As A Marble
- Shall Not Be Questioned
- Self Sufficient Slacker
- Say Uncle
- Rustmeister's Alehouse
- Rich's Garage
- Retrotechnologist
- Pergelator
- PA State Cop
- Not Clauswitz
- New Jovian Thunderbolt! (RIP)
- Mycroft HOLMES 4
- Mike Kole: Hoosier LP guy
- Mike Flynn: The TOF Spot
- MArooned: JayG
- Listen To Uncle Jay
- Last Refuge Of A Scoundrel
- Jigsaw's Thoughts
- Insert Title Here
- In Jennifer's Head
- I Work On A Starship
- Home On The Range
- Gun Blog Black List
- Fatale Abstraction
- Fat In Indiana
- Every Blade Of Grass
- EB5AGV RadioRepair
- Cowboy Blob (link fixed!)
- Carteach0
- Caleb at GunNuts
- Brick O'Lore
- Better and Better: Matt G
- Ambulance Driver
Blog Archive
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2013
(655)
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March
(66)
- Economics Made Animated
- The Ordinary Rider Overdid It
- They're Lying If Their Lips Are Moving
- If I Win The Lottery
- Tam K Cancer Update
- Joe Donelly Sells Indiana Out
- Huck The Cat, Caught Napping
- Portland Design Works
- Hooray For Kershaw!
- Sun, Snow, Meltage, Fake Tornado?
- About IU
- Yep, Still Snowing
- Steak For Breakfast -- Again
- It's Snowing And Snowing
- Mayor Bloomberg Despises Civil Rights
- Science: It's Hot
- The Ordinary Rider
- Awake!
- I'm exhausted.
- FTFY? No.
- Roseholme Quick Breakfast
- Taking My Car To The Shop
- A Friend Under The Weather
- Spamkhana!
- Panic On The Campus!
- Blogger Mutual Assistance System
- Kershaw Update
- Need A New Worry?
- A St. Patrick's Day BlogMeet
- Background? Check.
- The Greatest Dancer You Probably Never Heard Of*
- Another Pome.
- Ironization
- Argh?
- March BlogMeet: The 17th!
- Want To Get A Ham Radio License?
- Carry
- "Universal" Guns
- Indiana Gun-Politics Rallies This Past Weekend?
- Q: When Is A Power Outage A Brain Outage?
- "I Want A Cookie"
- There's Your Daylight Savings, Lady
- Well, Which Is It? (Pugsly I of Venezuala, Overdu...
- I Must Cook Scottishly
- Boot Failure: Brain
- Godwin! Or, They All Wanna Get To A BlogMeet
- Baofeng UV-5R: Tech, Not Retro
- Subaruminations
- Who Knew
- I'd Write Something Engaging And Witty
- Coffee Is A Weapon!
- N.B.: A Penknife Is Not A Weapon
- Amateur Radio Gets The Message Through
- Ha!
- Winter Storm Watch This!
- Dinner And A Show
- Demoted, Promoted, Bisard Case, Words Fail Me
- Uh-Oh
- Anti-Gun Sheriff Ignorant Of Law
- Yes! YesYesyesyes YES! Also, Music
- My Friends Are Loony
- Ouch.
- Revolver: WANT
- Hey-- Penalize Enemies, Not Friends
- Superhero Theorizing
- Too Kewl: The Ghast In The Hat
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March
(66)
Webcomix
On The Front Lines
What They Say:
"...Savagely cynical Roberta...."
--Sepulveda's Revenge
"Your lack of compassion and humanity is stunning."
--Some Canadian dude
"I think my brain just core dumped. What were we just talking about?"
--A travelling Texan
"Die quietly you ignorant hoosier."
--A Sad-Sack Moonbat
"Memetic whiplash has rarely been so much fun."
--A Really Kewl Guy
"I liked the variety of content you have shred with the readers..."
--A Spastic Spammer
--Sepulveda's Revenge
"Your lack of compassion and humanity is stunning."
--Some Canadian dude
"I think my brain just core dumped. What were we just talking about?"
--A travelling Texan
"Die quietly you ignorant hoosier."
--A Sad-Sack Moonbat
"Memetic whiplash has rarely been so much fun."
--A Really Kewl Guy
"I liked the variety of content you have shred with the readers..."
--A Spastic Spammer
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I Do Not Allow Guest Posts. Ever.
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17 comments:
Apologize and then let them vent. Accept the rebuke, and then ask their forgiveness.
Sometimes works.
Fess up, or walk away. Only choices.
A heartfelt blog post, asking for advice on how to correct the mistake seems like a good start. Beyond that, a sincere apology and time/space may be all you can do.
What they said: confess you screwed up badly, apologize with promise to avoid doing whatever it was like the plague, listen contritely to any rebuke, and wait for time to cool off any residual anger, acting contrite and sympathetic all the while.
If this doesn't work--well, something tells me if it doesn't work in the medium/long term (emotions might be too dominant in the short term), this person wasn't actually much of a friend in the first place.
Kishnevi
(yeah, and I have trouble with the human stuff most of the time, too. My solution is to avoid them as much as possible. But that may not work for other people...)
Seems like you're off to a good start.
My only advice is advice given to me by my dad which I also heard from others.
Honestly go read that link, it does it it much more detail than I could in a comment. The quick and dirty version:
Proper apologies have three parts:
- What I did was wrong.
- I feel badly that I hurt you.
- How do I make you feel better?
The one tweak I'd make to TheMinuteman's advice is in the third point. I don't try to make anyone feel anything. That disrespects their right to their feelings, and that's not a good position to apologize from. Respect is the name of the game here. I'd amend the third step to "how can I make it up to you?"
Being a ham-fisted engineer who was married to a lovely and highly sensitive lady, I got lots of practice apologizing. I found that admitting my mistake, showing regret for the hurt it caused, and allowing her to process her feelings freely (usually by taking my lumps without trying to defend myself) was the best response. It's how we managed to stay married for decades. (Plus she usually didn't stay mad for very long once I quite trying to push her emotions around.)
If you are sorry, say so.
If it was unintentional, say so.
If you were misinformed, say so.
Otherwise blame George Bush.
Gerry
Gerry:
"Cleanup on monitor one. I repeat, cleanup on monitor one!"
Seriously, though, I agree with MM, and with Dave's tweak. You can't (or, shouldn't be able) to "make" someone feel a certain way. I have to constantly remind my children (and myself, for that matter) that we are all in control of our own feelings - or, should be. Others may do things that anger us, or please us, etc... but we choose how we react - they're not "making" us mad, or "making" us happy. We choose to be mad, or happy...or even, indifferent, as the case may be. If we allow people to control our feelings, we've given up a big part of our independence.
Agreed with all others: nothing for it but an apology. Given that you clearly feel bad about it, I'm guessing that sounding sincere won't be a problem.
Be humble and apologize. Give them the chance to voice their feelings.
It sucks a lot to hurt those you love.
Everyone has bad days and your friends will overlook those moments you snap for whatever reason. it is not in my nature to apologize, because you're either my true friend and you understand, or I don't need you around. As a consequence I don't have 1200 facebook friends, but the friends I do have are fierce, and their friendship has the strength of the roots of mountains.
What's this 'apology' thing everyone keeps mentioning?
I may be forty-mumble but I still regularly rely either on outright denial (I did not say you were fat, just very big boned). obfuscation (I was merely pointing out the spurious and anomalous statistical assumptions the BMI makes in labeling grossly obese people like you as overweight), redirection (When X said you were morbidly obese I had to defend you since we all know you're only a little bit fat), sympathy (I had a bad day at work and haven't had a beer/cigarette in two hours) or 'my brother/sister/imaginary friend did it/made me' as a rationale for my regular size 12 tasting sessions (for some reason my bosses don't seem to accept any of those, although 'he/she did it to me first' and 'it's Bush' fault' works sometimes)
According to the 'Mens Men Handbook' the standard response in your situation is to:
'by them a beer, punch their arm, say exactly the same thing only louder and in a public place, then offer to loan them your car/gun/girlfriend. Should this fail then allowing them to hit you with a fist/barstool/your car [depending on severity of offence] followed by letting them buy you a beer should resolve matters in a satisfactory manner'
Failing that? What OG said.
Dave's tweak is actually the most correct version. I didn't fully read the version I copied.
Bullet 3 should read:
-How do I make it right?
In the process the person will usually feel better, but that isn't always a guarantee.
Know the feeling. I said something I shouldn't have to a really good friend. Apologies could not cover up the hurt and we're not friends anymore.
Ritual suicide.
Seriously, if they really are good friends they will forgive, if not, not. The cooling-off period varies with the person.
We have all said things we wish we had not said. I'm very familiar with the taste of shoe-leather...
I don't have much to add to the previous, except that you shouldn't sit there letting time pass while you figure out what to say. Get the message out that you know you screwed up, you're sorry, and you still want to be friends.
Don't press it, there often needs to be a cooling off period, just say it so it's there and the original mistake can stop doing more harm.
Then be there when the person is ready to talk again.
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