...I am half-autistic from long hours and scant sleep (not to mention a hasty trip to Mr. Tax Expert, CPA that left my head buzzin'. $2K in medical, $5K in real-estate tax, $4K this and that and he still isn't sure I won't end up owing? ) but I just gotta share it: assuming the giggling geniuses in the Newsroom can figure out what time I have to be where, I will have the perfectly awesome experience of being the technoid-on-the-scene for coverage of the appearance of A Presidential Candidate here in the Circle City. And by "perfectly awesome," I mean of course, utterly sucky except for the overtime and totally lacking in potty breaks. You'll have to guess which candidate it'll be; we'll have two in town.
One of the best parts of this is, well, gee, kids, while I have sworn a solemn oath to not violate Company policy by carryin' a sidearm to work, not ever, and won't even say the word in a company vehicle, I do in fact routinely carry all manner of sharp, pointy and/or unwelcome-in-some-venues instruments on my person, from a 4" Kershaw one-hand opener to a Japanese carpenter's knife to tiny folding scissors and something they found when last I visited the City-County Building, a handcuff key. (unh, "oopsie?" Gift from an old friend; it's not current issue). These things would be no-nos when stringing wires or even only gawking where a Presidential Candidate will be and the deal is, it would take a very long time to dig the last mini-Leatherman, hair clippie, "green tweaker" screwdriver and nail-file out of my purse; even though I am myself as innocent of ill intent as a baby and as harmless to the merely loudmouthed as a kitten (who'd want to stop the Parade of Pandering to the Masses when it's this idiotically snickersome?), I'm just gonna have to gin up a "sanitized" purse with darn-all in it save phone, basic keys, a hankie and pocketbook and lock my real one up back at the shop. Sheeeeeesh.
Still, it beats bein' tackled to the ground by humorless Secret Service d00ds. On duty, they get noids by the dozen rather than the pair.
Oh, yeah: welcome t'th Free World. Same as th' Old World. Just about. Happy voting!
T. R. MCELROY'S STREAMLINED TELEGRAPH KEYS
11 months ago