Thursday, September 03, 2009

Disturbing

They're always setting phasers on "stun," but nowhere in TV and film SF have I encountered any of 'em setting stunners on "phase." Not even in print. This is an asymmetry that really should be rectified.
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"Five-Pound Exploding Pants Of Doom:" you've experienced it too, don't claim you haven't, that mad scramble for the smallest room and immediate, um, activity, done in a flash. Unnerving. (I blame green peppercorns).
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They found a pair of man's dress slacks in the Skunk Works parking lot at high noon the other day, 48" waist and 42" leg! This disturbs me in several ways:

- It's raining pants?

-OR-

- There's a pantsless giant happily roaming downtown Indy, having thunk while walking along the sidewalk, "Duh, It's Just Too Hot For Pants," stepped out of 'em and tossed them over our (very high) fence;

-OR-

- Somewhere around here not too far away, there is some person or entity big enough and mean enough to have depantsed a giant and made it stick.

Either way, I'm takin' the good cricket bat to work today, the one we borrowed tire weights from all over the neighborhood to fix up.* I'd carry a .45 (a little small for giant, one has one's limits) but they won't let us. Great, either Charles Fort was right and/or giants and tougher/larger are at prowl, some of them in a condition to answer that eternal question, "Boxers or briefs-- awgawdnooo, you're a commando?" and I'm reduced to hiding behind sports equipment. Aw, the humanity.
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* Not really.

16 comments:

Joanna said...

See you at the Winchester, then ...

George said...

Even though Roberta X is my first blogging of the day, I doubt anyone else stands a chance of beating this combination of Edwardian horror and steam punk disdain.

Roberta wins the Internets.

Speaking of steam punk ... and I just did ... have you ever cast an eye on the Italian WW II military aircraft? Take a look sometime, Roberta. Especially the early fighters. I think they were successful in channeling the gods of steam punk design.

Regards.

wv = chomp. How weird is that?

Tam said...

Og gets literary competition from an unlikely quarter...

rickn8or said...

Roberta's flu meddication seems to have affected her writing summat...

WV: "impulog" Contraction of "impudent" and "blog". The PERFECT description of Roberta & Roomie's webwork.

Robb Allen said...

This post has piqued my interest.

Three guesses as to why and the first two don't count.

Mike W. said...

So, what caliber for pants-less giants?

pax said...

Let me get this straight: you're complaining that the characters in TV and film SF have remained completely unfazed?

Assrot said...

Those were my pants. Sorry I couldn't stop to pick them up but I had a Five-Pound Exploding Pants Of Doom event on the horizon and no little room in sight.

Did you find what looked like a cow plop on the other side of the fence? Yeah, sorry! I couldn't hold it.

Tofu does that to a big fellow now and then.

:-)

Joe

og said...

Ms X repeats her mantra of "victorian" but few know what it means.Victorians were such coprophilic goat thrashing whip and chain perverts that I've long expected this sort of thing and am hardly surprised.

Bruce B. said...

Has Shaq been in town recently? That leg measurement should put the wearer over 7 ft extrapolating from my own inseam of 34" and 6'2" height.

Roberta X said...

Pantsless giants, Og? Yes, that was inevitable.

As for the other, I have done it in the past and you have commented. Please note my work in this genre is not nearly so, ah, evocative as your own; there are some heights only few can scale and some depths only a few shall ever brave and you, kind Neandertal, are far braver than I.

;)

og said...

Certainly, Ma'am, your descriptions lack the detail of mine, but they are no less poignant.

"Victorian" is one of those words- like, Dare i say it- Anarchy? which means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Witness Henry Spencer Ashbee, for instance. Or not, as the case may be.

Jeffro said...

Look on the bright side - it wasn't assless chaps.

D.W. Drang said...

Either you're feeling better, or you should try a different medication...

WV: hocactic. Hope that's not how you're feeling...

Mikee said...

Perhaps this is not a case of a pantless giant, but someone whose oversized pants finally slid down, beyond the point of no return, during moments of rapid flight across the yard.

And for some reason, the opening scene of the 1970's book "Wifey" just crawled through my mind.

Ride Fast said...

[...] Currently set to "kill not" [...]

That is really weird, now that you mention it.