Or, You Do Not Want To Hear This If You Are Not Looking At The TV Screen:
"Anyone who's 'had' one of our chickens can tell you they're plump and juicy...."
I swan, that is the exact read. Internal quotes and all. Ew. That statement, along with the latest "do not wash raw chicken" warning,* is enough to put a person clean off the pinheaded pollos.
* A close read has me thinking the main problem is giving raw chicken a shower. A gentle bath -- no splashing! -- might be okay, after which you could powder 'em, put fresh nappies on 'en, and lay them down for a nice nap in the skillet, oven or grill. Er, only without the diapers and using maybe salt, pepper, garlic and paprika for the powder.
BUILDING A 1:1 BALUN
6 months ago