Tuesday, September 10, 2013

"The Only Physics I Ever Took Was Marked 'For Overnight Relief' On The Bottle"

     It is a little-known -- and also untrue -- fact that physicist Erwin Schrödinger took up stand-up comedy as a hobby.  Was his act funny, you ask?  --About half the time, and you could never quite tell until it was over and they opened the doors!
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     So, I was driving to work, wearing my "Quantum Mechanic" cap, when I looked down at the speedometer and my cap vanished.
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     The day before, I was walking from the lab to get some lunch.  Had the "Quantum Mechanic" hat on.  Suddenly, this great big guy with a white beard stepped out of an alley.  He looked at me like he could see right into my soul, and in a commanding voice, asked, "You wanna shoot some craps?"
     (Man in the front row shouts, "Never happened!")
     Albert?  Albert, is that you?
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     Thank you, thank you -- are you guys throwing things, or just waving?  Don't forget to tip the waitress.
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     Meanwhile, in real reality -- didja know there was such a thing as Xenotime?  Yep.  Alas, it's just a rare earth, but pretty kewl nonetheless.  In solution, it often exhibits properties similar to those of thiotimoline compounds, except, of course, into parallel time rather than along linear time. Or so I've heard.  

9 comments:

AM said...

Ok, that was funny.

Comedy is very quantum in that way, you don't know if something is funny or not until you observe it.

jetfxr69 said...

Yep, you win on funny.

Took two of the beagles, and the cat to the vet yesterday. The office has a whiteboard of all the "friends" they're expecting that day. Name at the top of the list: Schroedinger (I asked, he is/was a cat).

Random connections between Ms. X's blog and my life....

BGMiller said...

Bloody quantum always screwing with everything.

Gets on my thungas it does.


BGM

Joe Allen said...

I was flying on Heisenberg Air one time when the pilot came on to announce that he didn't know where we were, but we were making damn good time.

Anonymous said...

Royal Caribbean is preparing to launch its next cruise, and apparently has run out of sensible names to fit into the format it has used for the last thirty years or so (.......... Of the Seas). Which is why this morning I got an email in my ebox touting something not really amazing and wonderful about Quantum of the Seas and the Quantum Experience (TM).

Yes, that is the actual name of the ship, and the phrase "Quantum Experience" actually is trademarked.

Kishnevi

Jeffro said...

My life is like an Escher painting. Only it's not.

Anonymous said...

Stop me if you've heard this:

So Feynman and Heisenberg decided to take a road trip together, with Feynman driving and Heisenberg in charge of the map. Every so often Feynman checks with Heisenberg for directions
“Where are we?”
“Forty three miles out of Tuscon. Take a left at the next exit.”
This sort of thing continues for a while, everything’s going well, when suddenly Heisenberg points— “Look out! Cop car behind the billboard!”
Feynman glances at the speedometer. “Relax, I’m going 55 miles per hour.”
“Oh, way to go, genius,” says Heisenberg. “Now we’re lost.”

Thank you, thank you, remember to tip your waitress, I'll be here all week.

JD(not the one with the picture)

Tam said...

JD,

I LOL'ed! :D

Anonymous said...

Glad you liked it. Wish I could claim credit, but just found it somewhere on the 'tubes a few years ago. Made me and a physicist buddy LOL too.

JD(not the one with the picture)