Thursday, September 23, 2010

Enunciated At A Bad Driver

Guy comes barreling up the alley in his tiny pickup truckette, aimed at the side of my $2000 Junkmobile Special stuck in traffic like misplaced olive in a Jell-o mold, waked up at the last minute and stops with the nose of the thing hanging well intro the traffic lane; I gave 'im the stink-eye and said, "If there was a government agency devoted to hunting down you and anyone who drives like you, and beating them to death with barbed whips, I would work for them for free."

I was indulging in hyperbole, of course. I'd want at least minimum wage.

(See, yet another instance of the general social usefulness of a ban on punishments too outré: we're all idiots behind the wheel at least once).


Stranger said...

There are some people it should be legal to flog. Drivers with no regard for other drivers sheet metal, and the simpletons who think it is cool to wear a cell phone like an oversize earring should each get an extra twenty with the heavy whip.


rickn8or said...

Roberta, wanna trade? Down here it's "Pull Over in Front of Me and Drive Slow While Talking on Your Cellphone" Month.


Anonymous said...

Step 1.) Find God's office/workshop.

Step 2.) Locate big, red button labeled RESET. (Or PWR/STNDBY, or I/O, whatever. The big, red, important looking one.)

Step 3.) Press button.

Step 4.) If you've made it to step 4 you've screwed up somewhere. Return to step 1 and try again.

Roberta X said...

Anon: don't tempt me.

Joanna said...

Last night I almost rear-ended one of those jackwagons who treats a roundabout like a four-way stop. I honked; he flipped me the bird.

Let me know if you get the position. I'll hold the extra whips.

Secesh said...

Sounds like the perfect job, I think I'd want to work it on commission. Though if I had to I'd pay for the priviledge.

John B said...

Roomie was driving me around cause I was feeling a bit pooky. (To borrow Tam's word) We pulled out in front of a car an adequate distance away. He sped up to try to run us over, and was beside us at the red light screaming and showing us his middle finger. I started to get out of the car. I was going to go over and vomit upon him as a sort of appropriate social commentary. He launched through a red light, narrowly avoiding collision, and snagged the kind attention of Officer Friendly. Roomie let me get back in the car, and drove off when the light changed. "Our work here is done!" She proclaimed.

I probably would have made three of the stroppy young fool!

If I had got my hands on him that is.

Anonymous said...

To John: Hey buddy! Do you have a permit for that vomit!

Justthisguy said...

I think I may have read too many Draka books, or am becoming extra-grumpy in my old age, because I am imagining sizable stakes imbedded in the ground, with sharpened tops.