Monday, April 27, 2009

Squirrel. Must. Die.

A squirrel is trying to eat my house. He's been at it for some time. It's very annoying.

He's after the siding on the little bump-out where my kitchen is. Little tree-rat sits on a fencepost and graws away, making an unpleasant grumbly sound. I started out after his furry domophagic self this morning and Tam handed me an air rifle. But that would be wrong; also, I can't do it in such wise as to remain unseen by the neighbors. H'mmm, unless I pick my angle with great care. But it would be so wrong. There's a fine, even.

Just about then, my oatmeal boiled over and I had to deal with the mess. So we're not going to find out today.

Frickin' little rodents. They've been peeved ever since I closed up the squirrel hole into the attic. Go eat someone else's house!


Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

"Squirrel hole in the attic."

Yeah. I got one of those.

They're going to be well and truly p*ssed when I close it up this summer, too. (I may wait till fall, till they've stored their nuts up there. Just to make them madder.)

Freeloaders. F*** a bunch of them, anyway.

Tango Juliet said...

Can you beg,borrow or steal one of those live trap doo-hickeys?

Anonymous said...

If it were me, I'd design a squirrel version of a claymore. And, of course, there's always snares, but that might also spook the horses in the street.

GeorgeH said...

Early in the morning, you can usually get off a snap shot and then duck back inside before the neighbors look to see what made the noise.
I recently used a 3in. J frame Smith with shotshells to take out a killer possum.

Fuzzy Curmudgeon said...

Sudden thought: Maybe you should wire the fenceposts like Dick wired Kelly's bird feeder. Seems like he used one of those electric dog collars for the power source.

(For some reason, the thought of tazing a squirrel off a fencepost makes me smile...)

Somerled said...

Is there a fine for discharging a pellet rifle inside city limits, killing a squirrel or both?

We don't have a squirrel problem here. Possums, ground hogs, skunks: there's either a .223 or .25-20 to dispatch them. An axe or pitchfork will work for slow-moving possums in the horse barn. The citified are moving this way, however. Maybe this place will be a western version of Broad Ripple some day.

Stretch said...

Chemical Warfare: Use a mixture of egg whites and crushed red peppers. Brush on area being chewed. Enjoy show as squirrel does "damn-that's-hot-where's-the-Corona" dance.

Turk Turon said...

Paint the target area with an inexpensive hot sauce like Tabasco. Paint the squirrel's post with petroleum jelly. Repeat as necessary.

Or prepare a softball-sized "cage" of poultry wire and fill it with mothballs. They HATE that! Nail it to the post.

I LIKE the Taser idea!

Killing 'em will just leave available habitat for other squirrels to move in on. Better to discourage or re-train the current residents; they will defend their turf against all rivals, and your house will be left uneaten.

Anonymous said...

Why not nail/drywall screw a rat trap to the post? Or the wall? Would the sight of a dead tree rat clipped to the siding, like a little gibbet, offend the neighbors?

Bruce H. said...

I use a live trap baited with peanut butter and a drowning barrel. If that presents a social/legal problem, cover the trap with a box and work it only at night.

Ian Argent said...

Try this airgun

(VeriWord: minct - what happens when you set off the squirrel claymore?)

og said...

One word: Trebuchet.

Crucis said...

In our last house we had squirrels in the attic. It was a walk-in attic as well. First they gnawed a hole into the attic, then into our bedroom.
You do NOT want to be woken in the middle of the night by little furry feet scampering across your face.

I discovered that rat poison works on all rodents, squirrels included. But look on the bright side, an acquaintance had raccoons in his attic!

WV: rednect
Yep, I've got one.

Rabbit said...

2 of my Siberians, Abby and Jack, have worked out a strategy to eliminate squirrels in my neighborhood (when they get out).

They'll stalk them from the ground, dividing the squirrel's attention until it leaps from the tree in confusion and desperation, and they pounce. From there, squirrel becomes a chew toy/tug-o-war trophy. I never knew squirrels made chunchy sounds until this.


Anonymous said...

From prior experience with squirrels destroying countless plastic and wood birdfeeders in my childhood, squirrels have an absolute hatred for any kind of hotness - tobasco, habaneros, jalapenos... really, just about any kind of pepper (or, realistically, anything that contains capsaicin). We mixed copious quantities of chili powder / black pepper / ground habaneros / tobasco sauce with Crisco and smeared it on the bird feeder poles... Crisco is probably not the best idea for your house, but other substances will work just as well.

Word of advice, though - wear gloves. Even if you wash your hands afterwards, if you touch your eyes, you are going to regret it...

og said...

Seriously. A trebuchet will go MILES toward convincing the critter he needs to relocate his base of operations. And it's fun for all but the squirrel, and it's rarely fatal to the squirrel. Lacking a trebuchet, a skeet shooter's trap will do in a pinch.

Anonymous said...

"Critter Ridder", at Lowe's. Also keeps away bats and skunks.
[Many years ago an uncle of mine - a Newark, NJ, cop - used a friend's target .22 to take a squirrel off the chimney of my Mom's house. It had gotten into the attic, repeatedly. One shot, out of a neighbor's side door. Put the gun away, waited awhile, then went out front to go home. An elderly neighbor lady called out to him, all upset. Seems she'd seen a squirrel commit suicide off Mom's chimney.] OldeForce

Anonymous said...

I had a hole in the fascia board and after fittng the precise shape of a filler board and replacing the entire back facia board.We sanded and painted the boards and the next night the squireel came in the other side through a small hole in rotten wood . Chewed the new fascia all the way down from one end to another and chewed the new filler. Now I had painted the boards with copper arsenic first before painting to reduce rotting wood. This did not get the squirrel sick.

So after a few days and telling all the neighbors and getting 22 caliber shot shells I heard the squirrel and went outside and said "Heh!", the squirrel poke his head out of the hole and I shot him throiugh the eye with a rifle. My neighbor came out and eaglerly said "Did you get him?" I said yes and then another squirrel decided it was a nice hole and made a home this winter.

I got a new neighbor so I did not shoot the new squirrel. My cats are out at night and one has been going on the roof so that scared the squirrel. But he has come back and I asked the new neighbor if OK I can shoot him and they said fine.

So soon I wil be squirrel hunting again.

Stranger said...

You could always do what the horsey types do for cribbing (trying to eat the stall) horses. Habenero pepper oil liberally painted on whatever the equines, tree rats, or other pests are gnawing on will usually break them of the habit.

Regular pepper spray will work, but does not weather as well. Meaning more trips up the ladder because new squatters tend to follow the old.

For either preparation, skin contact is not advisable.


Kevin said...

I use an airsoft 1911
Not because it is somehow wrong to kill the little welfare recipients as they clean out the bird feeders, but because I am too damn lazy to dispose of their remains if I use anything lethal.
That and the airsoft does not scare the songbirds the way the .22 does nor will it damage the feeders the way the .410 tends to do.

Ian Argent said...

In NJ airsoft arguably falls under the firearms laws. Ain't it grand? (A BB gun definately does).

J.R.Shirley said...

Ever since one bit my big toe at three, as I sat peacefully in the back yard, I have waged relentless war upon them.

Oddly enough, #6 shot works better than 00 buck. (Remember that the next time someone claims buckshot is teh awesome! for home defense!)

Billll said...

Try this:

Works a treat, and if you have foxes in your neighborhood, you don't even have to bury them.