Tabloid Headlines

In a supermarket checkout line the other day, I read the following three headlines on the front of the same scandal-sheet:

"OCTOBER 2008: EVERY END-OF-THE-WORLD PROPHECY COMES DUE!!!"

"TWO EGGS A DAY REDUCE CHOLESTEROL!"

"New! PHOTOS OF SARAH WITH SECRET LOVER!"
If the first one is true, why should anyone care at all about the other two? If the end of the world is arrivin' on the next bus, I'm havin' bacon and eggs for breakfast every darn day -- and I'll tar'n'feather some Congressthings after lunch!