Sunday, November 06, 2011

Ka-Blooie!

So, I'm reading "23 magical cooking tasks your Razetheon Radioarrange can do" online. None of them are at all new or usual -- I've been quick-nuking ice cream for decades -- and at least one is actively bad:

"Rub a potato with olive oil, put it on a suitable plate and microwave on high until soft, 12 to 15 minutes."

No. Do not. You know better, right? Do it their way and along about minute 8 to 10, that spud will explode, spraying the inside of your countertop EMF irradiator with a layer of mixed under- and overdone 'tater.

Fork it first, or at least stick a couple holes in the skin with a toothpick; zap it no more than five minutes at a stretch (three is better, IMO) and unless you bought the model with 3-D rotation, flip the tuber over after every increment. Continue until done.

Makes a perfectly acceptable baked potato if you do it right; otherwise, it's just Vegan Poodle Surprise.

Update: Ohboy! You can poach salmon with a microwave!

See, you go to the Pacific Northwest and refrain from getting a fishing license. Okay, now immerse your microwave (unplugged! Safety first!), with the door open, in a stream where salmon are. As soon as one swims in, slam the door short and yank the oven out of the water with the cord: instant yummy microwave-poached salmon!

(One of my uncles was going to poach a rhino in Africa, but he couldn't afford freight charges for the pan.)

13 comments:

Aubrey Turner said...

Interesting. I never took any special precautions with potatoes in my microwave, but then it has a magical potato button that somehow cooks them just right whether I put in one or three and without venting the tubers.

It must have some special internal logic, as there have never been any spudBOOMs.

Drang said...

Ba-boom zzhhh... Try the veal, folks, and tip your waitress, not cows...

Ambulance Driver said...

You know what else works great for poaching fish? The dishwasher.

I poach fish in my dishwasher all the time.

Sport Pilot said...

Bobbie, you have a dangerous wit, I'm impressed. BTW, I've seen HB egg's and spud's blow up in MWO.

AM DRVR- That doesn't sound very sanitary BFWIW I'd read about it, just didn't know how it worked out due to the water temp thing.

Jeffro said...

I've always wrapped the nuked spud in foil to finish cooking out and retain heat. Works pretty good.

og said...

If you have a real radarange, and a long extension cord, you can microwave bullets at a (Moderately) safe distance. This is more fun than it sounds. Use a spotting scope to enjoy the fun.

Standard Mischief said...

Nuke potatoes, wrap in foil, and toss in oven for a while for the starch to convert. They taste like you baked them for hours.

if you search-fu "unwise microwave oven experiments" you will find out what to do with those old beer bottles. Search-fu the plasma from a seedless grape trick too.

Standard Mischief said...

The reason poaching fish in the dishwasher never really caught on is that they forgot to attach a fancy-@$$ french sounding name to the process like "Sous Vide"

Jerry said...

Managed to do a "runaway thermal event" with a spaghetti squash in a death ray machine once. Blew the door open and spaghetti strands halfway across the kitchen. My family still reminds me of that little event whenever I announce I've found a new recipe. I mean seriously; talk about no sense of adventure.

Ritchie said...

Potato cannons, potato bombs, feedstock for nitrostarch, is there anything the lowly spud can't endanger?

farmist said...

Funnest thing I've ever nuked is marshmallow Peeps. Turn it off when they reach softball size, lest they incinerate.

Brian said...

Am I the only one who remembers the gigantical Radio ranges from the days of yore that could seat six and cook a steamship round?

Groucho said...

I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas I'll never know...